READING: The Governess Game (Girl Meets Duke #2) by Tessa Dare

Publication date: August 28 2018
Published by: Avon
Genre: Adult, Historical Romance, Regency, Chick-Lit 
Rating:

After her livelihood slips through her fingers, Alexandra Mountbatten takes on an impossible post: transforming a pair of wild orphans into proper young ladies. However, the girls don’t need discipline. They need a loving home. Try telling that to their guardian, Chase Reynaud: duke’s heir in the streets and devil in the sheets. The ladies of London have tried—and failed—to make him settle down. Somehow, Alexandra must reach his heart... without risking her own.

Like any self-respecting libertine, Chase lives by one rule: no attachments. When a stubborn little governess tries to reform him, he decides to give her an education—in pleasure. That should prove he can’t be tamed. But Alexandra is more than he bargained for: clever, perceptive, passionate. She refuses to see him as a lost cause. Soon the walls around Chase’s heart are crumbling... and he’s in danger of falling, hard.

I don't know what went wrong with this one, because I absolutely love Tessa Dare.
But The Governess Game was sloppy and quiet honestly, not memorable.

First off, the romance started right away so there was no angsty suspense or any sexual tension/anticipation at all. That didn't feel right to me, because when I'm reading an HR book I expect to be seduced, and this one didn't deliver.
Very quickly Chase wanted Alex, and Alex was thinking about marrying Chase and having his babies from the moment she met him, so that was a huge red flag right from the get go.
I was willing to look past it though because it's Tessa Dare and she is a romance master.
I'm afraid it didn't get much better after that :/

I think my main problem with the book is that I didn't see any chemistry between Chase and Alex. I didn't buy into their attraction and consequently, love. Everything happened way too fast for me to fully understand either of their characters and, so I didn't really get why they were together.
I personally find it very hard to dislike a male character in HR, but Chase was pretty unlikeable. There were times when he was being deliberately mean to Alex and I was angry at him and her for just taking it, despite her self-proclaimed independence. His reason for not wanting to be there and raise the wards that were left in his care was pretty stupid, and it painted him as a complete coward.
As far as Alex goes, I felt that she was blindly in love with Chase and she would do anything for him, whereas he was just infatuated with the next pretty little innocent thing that cam
e his way. I know a lot of HRs have that premise of the rake unabashedly lusting after the cute girl, but a lot of them (the good ones) have provided a fully explained change of character in order for the reader to believe and accept the inevitable HEA in the end, something that The Governess Game never did.

Chase and Alex agreed to engage into some sort of teacher/student relationship in regards to sex, but that was never shown! Instead, we get a sense of time passing by other things occurring, and we think that all the while Alex and Chase are having these lessons somewhere. And they must have been, because Alex was very masterful in the last sex scene of the book, so I guess the lessons must have worked?! We were just never shown them, which was a major let down for me.

The only redeeming quality of this book were the parts with Daisy and Rosamund (the children), who provided a nice respite from the failure that was Chase, and of course Tessa Dare's unparalleled humour, for which I was really thankful.

3 stars on the Tessa Dare scale = pretty bad.

READING: The Ravens (The Ravens #1) by Kass Morgan and Danielle Page

Publication date: November 3 2020
Published by: HMH Books for YR
Genre: College, Contemporary, Hints of Paranormal, Magic, Mystery, Sorority
Rating:

Kappa Rho Nu isn’t your average sorority. Their parties are notorious. Their fundraisers are known for being Westerly College’s most elaborate affairs. But beneath the veil of Greek life and prestige, the sisters of Kappu Rho Nu share a secret: they’re a coven of witches. For Vivi Deveraux, being one of Kappa Rho Nu’s Ravens means getting a chance to redefine herself. For Scarlett Winters, a bonafide Raven and daughter of a legacy Raven, pledge this year means living up to her mother’s impossible expectations of becoming Kappa Rho Nu’s next president. Scarlett knows she’d be the perfect candidate — that is, if she didn’t have one human-sized skeleton in her closet…. When Vivi and Scarlett are paired as big and little for initiation, they find themselves sinking into the sinister world of blood oaths and betrayals.

Oh my. This book.

I really thought it would be one of my 2020 faves. Not only does it play on sorority books nostalgia like The Ivy or Private series which I really enjoyed, but also...witches?? I mean, seriously. This sounds perfect, right up my alley. And until around halfway I thought it would be good. Not the best, but a fun, enjoyable read.
But it started going downhill from there real fast.

Even though the girls are supposedly in college, the vibe was definitely high school. Vivi, the main female character, was this doe-eyed, innocent, quirky little girl (really? can this trope just die already?) who has absolutely no awareness of what is happening around her and has the personality of a napkin. She was really boring to read and a ridiculously weak character.
There was a scene where she was siting alone at a party and the guy she likes asks her "What are you doing here alone?". Her first thought was that that question would have mortified "Old Her" because she saw it as an acknowledgement of her awkwardness and friendlessness. I mean, what the hell? Just because someone asks you why are you sitting somewhere, it triggers such feelings of unworthiness? That's stupid! Vivi is supposed to be 19 years old, a college girl, a young woman, and she is floored when someone asks her "Why are you sitting alone?"
Oh, right. That's the "Old Vivi". Meaning the Vivi from 10 pages ago, who suddenly changed her whole personality and she doesn't mind these kind of questions.
How many eye rolls can I possibly insert here? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Scarlett on the other hand, I liked. She was strong and assertive and way more interesting to read. Yes, she was a total bitch in the beginning, but I knew what I was signing up for. We're talking coven/sorority, of course there's going to be bitchiness.
Except for her, all the other characters were soooo dull. The love interest was interest in name only. Mason was an underdeveloped character who did not know what he wanted. Or rather he knew, but he went at it completely the wrong way and that made him immediately unlikeable to me.
The other sorority girls were pretty much one person, they all just blended together after a while, and Vivi's mum had absolutely no backstory to justify her words and actions.

Overall, The Ravens started off as a mildly entertaining YA read (meh, more like middle grade if I'm being honest) and ended up as something I had a very hard time finishing. It was like the authors skipped 10 years of character and story development when they wrote the second half, and I could no longer connect with the book.
Not for me :/

READING: Since You've Been Gone by Morgan Matson

Publication Date: May 6 2014
Published by: Simon&Schuster
Genre: Contemporary, Coming of age, YA, Romance, Summer
Rating:

 

It was Sloane who yanked Emily out of her shell and made life 100% interesting. But right before what should have been the most epic summer, Sloane just…disappears. All she leaves behind is a to-do list.

On it, thirteen Sloane-inspired tasks that Emily would normally never try. But what if they could bring her best friend back?

Apple picking at night? Okay, easy enough.

Dance until dawn? Sure. Why not?

Kiss a stranger? Um...

Emily now has this unexpected summer, and the help of Frank Porter (totally unexpected), to check things off Sloane's list. Who knows what she’ll find?

Go skinny-dipping? Wait...what?

I have to admit, I am not a huge fan of coming-of-age books. I am not a teen anymore and I find most of these stories are packed with forced melancholia and unrelatable situations. However, I have heard great things about Matson's books so I thought I'd try one.

The story is about 16-17 year old Emily (exact age unclear, or I just don't remember it) whose best friend Sloane unexpectedly disappeared, leaving Emily a bucket list of things to do during the summer as her "last" wish.
Right of the bat, I disliked Emily's weak personality. She appeared to be more than happy to live under the shadow of the popular girl, Sloane, who she idolised beyond reason. From the flashbacks, we see that Emily had no backbone whatsoever, could never say no to Sloane even when she was being absurd and in the present, she almost has a panic attack when she goes to a party of fellow high schoolers BY HERSELF!! The horror! When a guy offered to move her car because it broke down in the middle of the road, she couldn't even converse with him, she was so shy. I really don't like it when teenage girls are portrayed this way, because I was one of these girls back in the day and I still beat myself over what a stupid idiot I was for letting other people overshadow me. It was horrible and the last thing I want is to relive it through books.

That being said, Emily's transformation begins when she decides to do the list of tasks Sloane left her, probably the one good thing she did in the entire book. Even though Emily is no adventure seeker, she understands it is something she just has to do, mostly because Sloane told her to.
Through these tasks, it dawns on Emily that she has been living her life by someone else's rules and it was time for a change. She slowly realises she is a smart, strong, self - reliant young girl, who doesn't need anyone to speak for her or tell her what to do or how to act. Of course, she was a bit slow to come to that realisation, but at least she finally did. The slow pace only made it more realistic.
The tasks themselves were funny and emotional at times, that part of the book is the best in my opinion. And the fact that she gained nice and understanding friends along the way, was a bonus. I really liked the "love interest", Frank. He was a decent guy, Don't expect a sizzling love story though, it was more of a close friendship that led to something more in the end. A cute and sweet relationship fitting for high schoolers, I liked it.

Apart from Sloane, I didn't particularly care about Emily's parents. They seemed uninterested in their children, bordering on abandonment. It seemed they only cared about their "art", and they came off as selfish jerks. If that is how Emily grew up, I kinda get her attachment to Sloane and her need to find someone to take care of her.
Finally,

Sloane's excuse to why she left without any warning was ridiculous. Classic Sloane, drama queen.

Overall, Since You've Been Gone was a cute and easy read. The whole tone of the book was a bit flat for me, there were no intense emotions from anyone involved, and for a 450 page book, that's not great. But seeing that I am certainly not the target audience for this book, I would happily recommend it to ages 12-15 as a nice, summer read.

READING: The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

Publication date: February 5 2019
Published by: Celadon Books

Genre: Contemporary, Mystery, Suspense, Crime, Thriller
Rating:

Alicia Berenson’s life is seemingly perfect. A famous painter married to an in-demand fashion photographer, she lives in a grand house with big windows overlooking a park in one of London’s most desirable areas. One evening her husband Gabriel returns home late from a fashion shoot, and Alicia shoots him five times in the face, and then never speaks another word.

Alicia’s refusal to talk, or give any kind of explanation, turns a domestic tragedy into something far grander, a mystery that captures the public imagination and casts Alicia into notoriety. The price of her art skyrockets, and she, the silent patient, is hidden away from the tabloids and spotlight at the Grove, a secure forensic unit in North London.

Theo Faber is a criminal psychotherapist who has waited a long time for the opportunity to work with Alicia. His determination to get her to talk and unravel the mystery of why she shot her husband takes him down a twisting path into his own motivations—a search for the truth that threatens to consume him....

Finished this book in one day. I can't remember the last time I found a book so addictive!

Part of the Silent Patient's pull lies with its plot. A seemingly open and closed murder that happened 6 years ago, committed by a mysterious woman who has not spoken a word and since been residing in a mental institution, narrated by her psychiatrist. Who wouldn't want to read that?
I am a huge fan of unreliable narrators, especially in such a dark and ominous setting as a mental institution. I have always been fascinated with the therapist/patient relationship and how it's been portrayed in books and movies/TV (hello Hannibal ❤️) There's a co dependency there that I find quite interesting yet disturbing, perfect for a thriller book.
Regrettably, we didn't get to see much of that in this book, mainly because Alicia (the patient) didn't speak at all, and also because Theo was so bad at his job! For those of you expecting to read a lot of intriguing, clue-filled sessions between him and Alicia like I was, you can forget it. For all I know, Theo didn't even need to be a therapist. He could easily be a prison warden and Alicia a prisoner. Her being in a mental institution serves no other purpose than to add an eerie component to the book, it doesn't factor in the story/plot at all.

What also makes Silent Patient so addictive, is the writing. Not necessarily its quality, but its simplicity. Short, to the point sentences, that just had me flying over the words. This was, I'm guessing, done on purpose so the reader, so anxiously wanting to know the ending, would turn page after page without actually seeing what is going on right in front of them.

The characters were across the board very unlikeable, I don't think anyone can disagree with that. Theo in particular was in by no way shape or form the "hero" you're supposed to root for. In some instances I even found myself cringing at what he was saying. He was unesttling, to say the least, and given his profession and the position of power he was in, it was getting harder and harder to sympathise with him as I got more into the book. Granted, he suffered abuse in the hands of his father for many years but then again, according to him (unreliable narrator). I was mostly creeped out by his relationship with his wife, to be honest. Even though at first glance it looked fine, I had a feeling that something wasn't quite right there.

In regards to the ending, I get that it came as a shock to many people, but not to me. I am, by nature, very paranoid, and whenever I read a book like this one, especially one that has been super hyped for its unexpected ending, my mind always goes to the most out-there, wacky places, mostly because I want to be all like "Ha ha I knew it!" (I ruined the Lost Season 3 finale for all my friends. Yes, I'm one of those).
This time, my mind didn't need to go far. I had 2 theories already formed after reading 50 pages or so, and after reaching the halfway point, I was strongly leaning towards one of the two, which turned out to be what actually happened. So, on that respect it kind of disappointed me. I expected a mind blowing ending for such a hyped book and I didn't get it.
That being said, I realised after that it wasn't the ending itself that disappointed me, but how the book came to a close. I felt like there should be a more well rounded explanation as to how and why all this happened. Upon finishing the book and looking back at what I have been reading for the last I don't even know how many hours, I realised that the book's purpose was solely the big reveal and nothing else, and after that was done, the book just stopped existing. I don't know, it just wasn't satisfying to me.

The Silent Patient is an undeniable page turner. You will not be able to put it down, this I guarantee. If you don't take everything apart like I do, you will definitely enjoy it.
If you are nit-picky like me, you will still enjoy it but probably go "Wait, is that it? Well, I already knew that" in the end.

READING: The Beautiful (The Beautiful #1) by Renne Ahdieh

Publication date: October 8 2019
Published by: GP Putnam's Sons Books for YR
Genre: Historical, Paranormal, Vampires, Mystery, Romance
Rating:

In 1872, New Orleans is a city ruled by the dead. But to seventeen-year-old Celine Rousseau, New Orleans provides her a refuge after she's forced to flee her life as a dressmaker in Paris. Taken in by the sisters of the Ursuline convent along with six other girls, Celine quickly becomes enamored with the vibrant city from the music to the food to the soirées and—especially—to the danger. She soon becomes embroiled in the city's glitzy underworld, known as La Cour des Lions, after catching the eye of the group's leader, the enigmatic Sébastien Saint Germain. When the body of one of the girls from the convent is found in the lair of La Cour des Lions, Celine battles her attraction to him and suspicions about Sébastien's guilt along with the shame of her own horrible secret.

When more bodies are discovered, each crime more gruesome than the last, Celine and New Orleans become gripped by the terror of a serial killer on the loose—one Celine is sure has set her in his sights . . . and who may even be the young man who has stolen her heart. As the murders continue to go unsolved, Celine takes matters into her own hands and soon uncovers something even more shocking: an age-old feud from the darkest creatures of the underworld reveals a truth about Celine she always suspected simmered just beneath the surface.

I'm genuinely very disappointed. I know by now to always be wary of pretty covers, but after seeing all these raving reviews about The Beautiful, I though it would at least be decent.
It wasn't.

The Beautiful failed to capture my interest right from the start. The writing was almost uncanny, like it was trying very hard to be something it wasn't and was failing miserably. Each scene took forever to get through, vases and chandeliers' descriptions dragged on for ages, and there were densely worded sentences saying nothing at all. Also, phrases like "beyond your ken" (used more than twice) do not fit in a book about New Orleans me thinks, it threw me completely off.

This is supposed to be a book about vampires, but there are no vampire in sight until around 90% or so. Why take this long to reveal the plot? The whole point of buying and reading this book is to read about vampires. I absolutely can't stand it when a book promises you one thing and is marketed as, in this instance, a vampire book, when it's clearly a romance book, and not even a good one!

The characters were all one dimensional caricatures.
The big baddie's thoughts were written in monologed chapters, which to me read like "I'm evol and I vant to drink blood mwahaha". 

🤓 Not great.

The chief of New Orleans police is a 18 year old boy *eyeroll* How can you even justify that, it's impossible!
The girls were either clever or stupid, very shy or promiscuous, there was no in between. Celine was a reckless, numbnut who acted all high and mighty, but insta-loved a guy who looked dangerous, threating and unstable.
Oh but don't worry though. It's totally OK because he is soooooo dreamy!
My time machine worked everybody, I'm back in 2010 when this shit was still acceptable!
Stop putting so much importance on good looks, or rather out-of-this-world good looks, unless it fits your plot! It's not right to send these kinds of messages to young readers, or any readers for that matter.

This book was unbelievably exhausting to read. I felt like wading through mud in the last 100 pages, I just couldn't seem to finish it. When I finally did, I admittedly found the last 10 pages kinda interesting compared to the rest of the book, but definitely not interesting enough for me to read Book 2.
If you're brave enough to tackle this, you are my hero and I wish you all the best. I barely got through it.
Very unmemorable and tedious.

READING: Do You Want to Start a Scandal by Tessa Dare

Publication date: September 27 2016
Published by: Avon
Genre: Adult, Historical Romance, Chick Lit, Georgian 

Rating:

 

On the night of the Parkhurst ball, someone had a scandalous tryst in the library.
• Was it Lord Canby, with the maid, on the divan?
• Or Miss Fairchild, with a rake, against the wall?
• Perhaps the butler did it.

All Charlotte Highwood knows is this: it wasn’t her. But rumors to the contrary are buzzing. Unless she can discover the lovers’ true identity, she’ll be forced to marry Piers Brandon, Lord Granville—the coldest, most arrogantly handsome gentleman she’s ever had the misfortune to embrace. When it comes to emotion, the man hasn’t got a clue.

But as they set about finding the mystery lovers, Piers reveals a few secrets of his own. The oh-so-proper marquess can pick locks, land punches, tease with sly wit... and melt a woman’s knees with a single kiss. The only thing he guards more fiercely than Charlotte’s safety is the truth about his dark past.

Their passion is intense. The danger is real. Soon Charlotte’s feeling torn. Will she risk all to prove her innocence? Or surrender it to a man who’s sworn to never love?

 After reading three amazing books by Tessa Dare, she's definitely going on my author auto-buy list 👏

This one is about Charlotte, a smart girl with a knack for investigating, who is, through no fault of her own, caught in a compromising position with the Marquess Piers Brandon, and is "forced" to marry him. Of course, nothing is that simple, as Charlotte's spirit objects to a marriage of convenience, even when her heart and body don't.

This is a classic Tessa Dare read, and it did not disappoint. Dare is an expert in writing well rounded and likeable characters, even her secondary characters are all interesting and memorable (who can forget that mother??)
What I like most about Dare's books is her ability to combine light-hearted fun with steamy romance, and she does that phenomenally well.
There is a scene where Charlotte's mum is trying to educate Charlotte about sex and its workings using various fruits, like peaches and eggplants. While this is absolutely hilarious to the reader and to Charlotte, she immediately feels despondent thinking that she might never experience something like that herself. This king of level headedness is what I admire in Dare's women. They are strong and free spirited yes, but also pragmatic in a sense, and completely aware of their place in the world, especially when we're talking early 18oos.

That being said, the fact that they are not as fanciful as other HR heroines, doesn't mean that the romance isn't as magical, because it is. In this case, it might have been a little too magical. Don't get me wrong, I loved all Charlotte and Piers's steamy trysts. However, I found it a bit unrealistic for a young, innocent girl, with no prior romantic encounters to suddenly be so open to being that intimate with a man. I am not saying it's wrong, far from it. I'm only saying that I personally found it too far fetched for the era, and that was the only "issue" I had with this book. I would have preferred the thrill of the chase to last a little longer, rather than Charlotte succumbing to Piers so easily.

Piers was likeable for an alpha male. He was funny and serious when needed, and I liked how he seemed to come alive next to Charlotte. But let's face it, men are never the focal point in Dare's books. Women are arguably the more interesting and complex characters, and their involvement with men always leads to the latter's betterment, another thing I love about Dare's books.

If you are into HR and you still haven't heard of Tessa Dare's books (impossible!), please give them a try. I guarantee you won't regret it.
Also, if you are ever in a reading/life slump and you can't seem to get out of it, they are the perfect remedy 👌

 

READING: Beach Read by Emily Henry

Publication date: May 19 2020
Published by: Berkley
Genre: Contemporary, Adult, Romance

Rating:

Augustus Everett is an acclaimed author of literary fiction. January Andrews writes bestselling romance. When she pens a happily ever after, he kills off his entire cast.

They're polar opposites.

In fact, the only thing they have in common is that for the next three months, they're living in neighboring beach houses, broke, and bogged down with writer's block.

Until, one hazy evening, one thing leads to another and they strike a deal designed to force them out of their creative ruts: Augustus will spend the summer writing something happy, and January will pen the next Great American Novel. She'll take him on field trips worthy of any rom-com montage, and he'll take her to interview surviving members of a backwoods death cult (obviously). Everyone will finish a book and no one will fall in love. Really.

I wasn't a fan of this one :/ It fell flat for me and in my opinion, it is way overhyped.
To be honest, its premise didn't really draw me in, but seeing how much every one else loved it, I thought why not? But see, I knew better. And somehow I still fell for the hype. I should have trusted my instinct and steered clear.

The good:
January and Gus's banter. It was witty and funny and it actually made me laugh out loud a couple of times.

The bad:
Everything else.
The story was not convincing at all. Too many "coincidences" and too much far-fetchedness (pretty sure that's not a word), even for a romance book.
Plus, I thought it was a bit sexist. You have a woman author who writes romance books one one side, and a guy author who writes fiction novels on the other. Now, the romance genre is presented as the laughingstock of the literary world, while fiction is a "serious" genre. The whole story is about the woman author trying to prove to the guy author that her work needs to be takes as seriously as his.
Um why? Isn't that sort of a given? And if the guy doesn't think they are both equals, why the hell am I even reading about him? Why would the woman need to prove anything? And not only this, but we got to see her struggling to write a "serious" book, but never find out how the guy's romance book came out. Only that he got more money for it, which: duh.

Also, you know what I am just over in books with even a hint of romance? How women are all nervous wrecks when they talk to a guy, practically spazzing and constantly questioning everything they say, while the guy is so calm, and cool and whatever he says sounds like the most interesting thing ever?
That's what happened here. There is a scene in Gus's car where he and January talk and she was just a hot mess, even her thoughts didn't make any sense, and Gus was so chill, but kind of arrogant too, especially when he saw the effect he had on January. Why can't women have that effect on men in romance novels? Why do women have to be the insecure ones ALL.THE.TIME?
I wanted to yell at her "Get it together girl!"
Spoiler alert: she didn't get it together.

The ending was even more painful when Henry tried to force the "January's dad is a good person after all" down my throat. He was scum, no matter how many soppy letters he writes.
Plus the insta love came out of nowhere! Obviously, I expected these two to end up together, but all this professing of love after they slept together once and Gus being such a dick to January after? Nuh-uh. Not buying it.

Beach Read wasn't for me. It was slow paced (agonisingly bad, more like) and not interesting at all.
There are so many contemporary romances out there which are far better than this. Don't waste your time.

READING: They Wish They Were Us by Jessica Goodman

Publication date: August 4 2020

Published by: Penguin Teen  

Genre: High School, Secret Society, Cliques, Silly  

Rating:

In Gold Coast, Long Island, everything from the expensive downtown shops to the manicured beaches, to the pressed uniforms of Jill Newman and her friends, looks perfect. But as Jill found out three years ago, nothing is as it seems. Freshman year Jill's best friend, the brilliant, dazzling Shaila Arnold, was killed by her boyfriend. After that dark night on the beach, Graham confessed, the case was closed, and Jill tried to move on. 

Now, it's Jill's senior year and she's determined to make it her best yet. After all, she's a senior and a Player--a member of Gold Coast Prep's exclusive, not-so-secret secret society. Senior Players have the best parties, highest grades and the admiration of the entire school. This is going to be Jill's year. She's sure of it. 

But when Jill starts getting texts proclaiming Graham's innocence, her dreams of the perfect senior year start to crumble. If Graham didn't kill Shaila, who did? Jill vows to find out, but digging deeper could mean putting her friendships, and her future, in jeopardy.

This book sucked the life out of me 😣
Even though I am a sucker for high school cliques and secret societies, this one was just not my cup of tea.

I could almost forgive the non - existent mystery; it is very obvious from the beginning who the murderer is. Again, I wouldn't have a problem with that if the rest of the book was alright.
What I couldn't get past was the despicable characters.
Jill was a mean, terrible person, who valued being the most popular girl in school more than anything. It seemed to me she was relieved her friend died, so she could take her place in the hierarchy and be the queen of the school. Even after 3 years of her friend's death, she kept that awful secret club alive, along with its inhumane hazing.
Now, all of a sudden, Jill decides to grow a conscience for reasons unbeknownst to the reader (really, no explanation at all) and finally sees that what she has been doing all this time is actionable, to say the least, and tries to stop it. However, she still really misses her "friends", who are even worse than she is, and her hard earned popularity.
Ugh, I disliked Jill very much.

They Wish They Were Us was kind of OK until 20% where I was still curious about where all this was going and Adam's character was intriguing. It went downhill very fast from there. I struggled to finish it, and I really don't think it will appeal much to ages older than 12-13 yo, if that.

READING: The Foxhole Court (All for the Game #1) by Nora Sakavic

Publication date: January 15 2013
Published by: Nora Sakavic
Genre: Contemporary, Advertised as YA BUT IT'S NOT!, Adult, Sports, College
Rating:

Neil Josten is the newest addition to the Palmetto State University Exy team. He's short, he's fast, he's got a ton of potential—and he's the runaway son of the murderous crime lord known as The Butcher.

Signing a contract with the PSU Foxes is the last thing a guy like Neil should do. The team is high profile and he doesn't need sports crews broadcasting pictures of his face around the nation. His lies will hold up only so long under this kind of scrutiny and the truth will get him killed.

But Neil's not the only one with secrets on the team. One of Neil's new teammates is a friend from his old life, and Neil can't walk away from him a second time. Neil has survived the last eight years by running. Maybe he's finally found someone and something worth fighting for.

I didn't like this book 😕 I found it weird and off-putting.

Let's go through the GOOD parts first: I found the story interesting enough to offset the bad parts, and what ultimately made me continue reading. I liked Neil's background story in particular, with all his history of abuse and very dark past (I'm a sucker for a tormented soul, what can I do?) I found his difficulty to trust people and his struggle for survival genuine and well presented through his POV. A lot of readers were put off by mafia stuff being thrown in an NA sports book, but it didn't really bother me. I guess when you put it in actual words it does sound ridiculous but trust me, that was the least of this book's problem!

And now the BAD: the characters. All of them! They were impossible to like. Nicky, Andrew, Aaron and Seth in particular. Not that everyone else was great and they stood out, they were all bad. But those four really took the cake.
Where do I begin? The casual jokes about rape? The roofying? The obvious threats to someone's life? The constant mocking and derogatory comments? The homophobic slurs? ... among others. I don't like to use the word "psychotic" because psychosis is actually a serious mental illness. These guys were, simply put, major assholes. Freaking spoiled brats who happen to play a sport, and they think they're all that. Ugh, I hated them so much. I found no redeeming quality in any of them. They were all scum, and I can't think of a reason other readers might like them. It doesn't matter to me if their behaviours are going to be explained away in the next books. I read this one, and in this one, there was no explanation and no excuses. They were just disgusting human beings-end of story. And also, I highly doubt Sakavic would find an explanation that is convincing enough. Neil had an abusive and sad past, he didn't act this way.
The team's Coach was a full-on enabler, giving them drugs and alcohol and talking to them like they were delinquents, which ok, fair enough.

I still don't know what the point of Kevin was. His story and what happened with the Ravens could get someone to read the second book (not me), but he, again, was all fake machismo and toxic masculinity. I thought that had died with Twilight and the whole NA genre, no? I guess I'm too old for this shit, because I seriously can't stand it.

I have no idea why this book is advertised and marketed as an MM romance, because it's not. There is not even a slight hint of romance in this and to be quite frank, I found it refreshing. Imagine if on top of all this verbal and physical abuse, there was a romance out of nowhere? No, thank you.

Braver people than me have read the next two books. I think I might skip them. I have no time in my life for books that bring me down, and this one was a huge bummer for all the wrong reasons.
If the second book is so miraculously amazing as the ratings seem to show, I'll just have to take your word for it. 🤷

READING: Part & Parcel (Sidewinder #3) by Abigail Roux

Publication date: December 19 2015

Published by: Riptide

Genre: MM, Adult, Romance, Contemporary, Mystery, Suspense  

Rating:

Nick O'Flaherty and Kelly Abbott had their happy ending in sight when a friend’s call for help almost ended with them losing it to the blade of a knife. Now, in the aftermath of near-disaster, both men are trying to heal and move on.

Moving on together, though, is harder than either of them realized it would be. Kelly struggles with simply being a lover instead of the Doc, while Nick is mired in his recovery. The distance between them inches along in stilted silence.

Desperately seeking solace, Nick finally gathers the courage to sort through the possessions his dear friend and fellow Sidewinder teammate Elias Sanchez left him when he died. Instead of comforting memories, Nick and Kelly find a stack of letters and strict instructions from Eli that prompt them to send out a call for assistance. With Eli’s letters in hand, Sidewinder sets out on one last mission together, seeking peace and absolution from beyond the grave—and from each other.

No...this can't be how the series ends...I refuse to believe that after 12 books, this is how Abigail Roux decides to send off my favourite characters.
How sad. 😢
Granted, Part & Parcel was better than Cross&Crown, but not as good as it should be, and definitely not as good as I expected.

I appreciated the sentiment behind it, it was indeed a very moving story. Having all Sidewinder go on a spiritual journey of sorts while saying goodbye to their fallen brother in arms; it was the tear-jerker story suited to close the series. Why was Zane there, though? I get it, he is part of the gang blah blah but he is not Sidewinder, and his presence there undercut the tone of the story. He stuck out like a shore thumb, something that he even acknowledged himself in the book!
It wasn't a deal breaker though, I could easily have looked passed it if the rest of the book was OK.
It wasn't.

Part&Parcel belongs in the Sidewinder series, so I naturally expected that it would be primarily focused on Nick and Kelly. I didn't mind the other Sidewinder members being there, not at all, but I realised very early in the book that Roux didn't actually know what to do with all these characters so it was very unclear what was the point of the book : was it Nick and Kelly's relationship? Was it saying goodbye to Eli? Was it Nick dealing with his issues? Was it Nick's suddenly revealed past? Was it Ty and Zane? It was none of these things and yet all of it at once, and it didn't make for good storytelling. It was a hot mess, actually.

Nick was not the Nick I got to know and root for in Divide&Conquer and definitely not the Nick I fell in love with in Shock&Awe. To put it bluntly, we was a sad sack throughout the whole book, constantly moping and brooding. And while I completely get why (he almost died and lost a friend) and while I generally like brooding men, Nick seemed to sulk about Kelly, and how he is not worthy of him, and all this nonsense. What happened to the confident Nick? The Nick who inspired all the others with his assertiveness? Yes, he lied to them in Crush&Burn, but come on! He is Nick! His team knows him and has been trusting him blindly for years. Plus, everything Nick had to do for Bell was explained in the end, and all his friends stood by him when he was in the hospital. If Kelly decided he didn't want to be with him after this, it's his decision to make. He is a mature man who has been through wars (!) Nick telling him he is not worthy of his love, is just ridiculous and just drama for the sake of drama. No need for all that. Just a nice, heartwarming story about saying goodbye to a friend concluding the series, would have been more than enough. It reminded me of Touch&Geaux so much, the "I have to create drama out of nowhere to keep the readers interested". No. No need. Yes, feel free to create drama when it's appropriate and suits the story, but when it's out of the blue just to fill the pages with something? Nah, I don't accept that.

Kelly was no better. He was actually the queen of drama, and I wasn't digging that at all. Making a whole thing about seeing an old sex tape of Nick's? Yeah, and? So what? Was he not allowed to have a life before Kelly? And all the back and forth of fighting and making up, and fighting again and then making up again, ugh. Very annoying and didn't serve any purpose.
The way both Nick and Kelly acted, I honestly believed they shouldn't be together. Gone was the sizzling chemistry they had in Sock&Awe. Reading Part&Parcel, you'd think they were this very old couple who got tired of each other and are just looking for a way out. That is how Roux's writing felt like to me-I sensed that by the end of it all, she was exhausted and just wanted to finally finish the book (repeating patterns, phrases, jokes etc.) Also, throwing some LGBTQ+ reps in the last 10 pages, doesn't compensate for the complete character destruction and lack of story.

Finally, the sex scenes, the one potentially redeeming quality of the book, were not great. It felt like Nick and Kelly's sexual chemistry and connection were completely gone, and I personally didn't feel anything going through those scenes. We're talking about the same two people who were hotness personified at the start of their relationship in Shock&Awe. What happened??

I don't know what else to say, I am deeply disappointed in this very weak ending of one of my favorite MM series.
That being said, I will always remember its good moments, and all the reasons that made me fall in love with its characters 🌟

*** 🥇 1st place - 3 way tie between Sticks&Stones, Stars&Stripes and Shock&Awe: these books give me life, I adore them ❤️
*** 🥈 2nd place - very close second is Fish&Chips (nothing better than a submissive Ty 😏)
*** 🥉3rd place - Divide&Conquer (hello Nick :)

READING: Cross & Crown (Sidewinder #2) by Abigail Roux

Publication date: June 9 2014

Published by: Riptide

Genre: MM, Adult, Romance, Contemporary, Mystery, Suspense

Rating:

When Nick O'Flaherty arrives at the scene of a double homicide to find he has a witness to the crime, he thinks it’s his lucky day. But when he realizes his witness is suffering from amnesia and can’t even remember his own name, Nick wishes he’d gone with his gut and put in for vacation time.

Then Nick’s boyfriend and former Recon teammate, Kelly Abbott, joins him in Boston, and Nick finds his hands a little too full as the case and his personal life collide. The witness he’s dubbed “JD” is being tailed by Julian Cross, a retired CIA hitman. To complicate matters further, JD forms an attachment to Nick that Nick struggles not to respond to as they search for the key to JD’s identity.

Trying to determine whether JD is friend or foe as they investigate the crime puts them on the trail of a much older mystery. When multiple attempts are made on their lives, Nick is forced to turn to old enemies and new allies to solve a centuries-old crime before he and Kelly get added to the history books.

 

Very disappointed 😕
I don’t think I have ever rated an Abigail Roux book below 3 stars-not even Ball & Chain which is my least favorite of the C&R series-so you can imagine my dislike for this book. And after Shock & Awe, which I absolutely adore? Ts ts how could you do this to me Mrs. Roux??

I feel like every beautiful and loving aspect of Nick and Kelly’s relationship built in just 125 pages in Sock & Awe, was torn apart in the 225 pages of Cross and Crown, and quite easily actually. I have to admit, I am not a Julian fan. I don’t know what it is. Maybe because I don’t get his relationship with Cameron (like at all), or maybe because he just blends together with all the other alpha, macho males in every Abigail Roux book. He is not something that I have not seen before, therefore he is boring to me.
That being said, Julian is the least of this book’s problems, he didn’t even register.

My issue is: what happened to Nick and Kelly’s chemistry??? And I am not even talking about the sizzling hot connection they shared in S&A. I am talking about their genuine close friendship and comradery. Their scenes felt real forced, and it felt like reading about two strangers. They lost that familiarity and ease they had in S&A and all the previous C&R books, and I never really got why. Granted, they were still trying to figure out their relationship, but they seemed to had it all figured out at the start, but now all of a sudden not so much. There was always something not quite right between them and their scenes were even awkward sometimes.
Yes, and the sex ones. 😟 Not much joy there, as I personally thought their sex scenes were cringey, and they made things even worse.

Kelly seemed to suddenly be on the fence about his relationship with Nick, even though he kept insisting he was in love with him. There always seemed to be doubt in his mind and he, more than Nick, would find a million excuses, like Nick’s work (super unfair to Nick) him living far away, to name a few, to try and justify his uncertainty. He never stopped to think that the only problem was that he was scared shitless to commit to Nick! I would much rather he admitted it, than being a whingey sook for the whole book. Again – this is not the Kelly I knew! I don’t know what came over him in Cross & Crown. Personally, I believe Roux created too much drama over absolutely nothing (or at least issues that could very easily been discussed and resolved) thus weakening the characters, and losing focus of what really mattered.

Nick was pretty much the same, but he too lost his strong and confident personality. He allowed himself to be led by Kelly’s whims, no matter how irrational. I completely disagree with other readers claiming that Nick is turning into Superman like Ty, not at all. I think the opposite, if anything. It gave me the impression that Nick was way more in love and committed to Kelly than Kelly, and that was so not the case in Shock and Awe.
Sigh.

The story was not notable, in my opinion. There was nothing engaging or interesting about the mystery and that made me not really care about any of the secondary characters who were just decorative.
I adore Nick. I loved him since the beginning – getting flashbacks from Divide & Conquer now ❤️ Where is THAT Nick? Bring him back! Or at least naturally change him for the better.

I am warning you know 👉
If you ruin Nick for me on what looks like the last book in the series, I will never forgive you 😭

READING: True Story by Kate Reed Petty

Publication date: August 4 2020

Published by: Hatchette Australia

Genre: Adult, Contemporary, Sexual Assault, High school, Abuse, Real Life, Suspense

Rating: 

Back in 1999, Nick Brothers and his high school lacrosse team return for their senior year in a well-to-do Baltimore suburb as the reigning state champs. The afterglow of their big win is bound to last until graduation; not even the pressure of college applications can get in the way of their fun. But when a private school girl attempts suicide in the wake of one of the team's "legendary" parties, and a rumor begins to circulate that two of Nick's teammates sexually assaulted her, it seems like it might ruin everything--until the team circles the wagons, casts doubt on the story, and the town moves on.

But not everyone does. Fifteen years later, four people--Alice, Nick, a documentary filmmaker, and a wealthy entrepreneur--remain haunted by the roles they played, the things they still don't understand, and how the story has shaped their lives. In sections told from different points of view, each more propulsive than the last, the layers of mystery are gradually peeled back as we barrel toward the truth of what really happened that night . . . and what came after.

I received an ARC of True Story from Hatchette Australia and these are my thoughts.

Trigger warnings: sexual assault, abuse, alcoholism

I am sitting here for the past 20 minutes trying to decide how to start this review and I am coming up empty. I can’t think of the right preface to really express my feelings about True Story. I personally thought it was brilliant; a thought provoking, captivating book, which will occupy your thoughts days after you finish it.

That being said, I want to make something clear: if you are after a horror/thriller book, this is not for you. Some people were disappointed that the twist ending didn’t have the impact they were expecting, or that it wasn’t suspenseful enough. That was never the point of the book, in my opinion, it goes so much deeper than that. The book was about these people’s lives, Alice and Nick’s in particular, and how the former’s sexual assault in high school affected their whole lives. 

I loved Petty’s writing. In addition to it being straightforward, brutally honest and to the point, it was also quiet addictive, which made even such a difficult-to-read book so un-put-downable. 
One my favourite parts was Alice’s essay drafts for college. Her frustration and desperation to write about anything but her assault, and her enormous effort to “focus on the positive” when it was practically impossible, is palpable. You can see it in the amount of drafts she writes (all included in the book), and their repetitive content. The final tutor-approved draft, showed Alice’s tenacity and ability to turn even a silly thing as shoes (who writes about shoes making an impact on their lives in a college essay??) to a feminist message. She was a sexually assaulted 18-year-old girl, who was made to focus on the positive (otherwise no college for her!) and she did the best she could, even though she would never accept the compliment or admit it to herself.

My other favourite part was when Nick goes to the cabin. It got me hooked from the very first word and I didn’t put the book down until I finished the whole chapter. Nick’s voice filled me with dreadful anticipation of something horrible waiting to happen at any time. And something horrible was happening at any given time, because that was Nick’s life. It was awful and pitiful, but it didn’t make me feel sorry for him. I felt that Nick wouldn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him, because he believed he deserved everything that was happening to him. He was clearly self-destructive, and that cost him everything in his life. I truly believe he meant well, in a sense that he did not deliberately try to hurt anyone, but so many wrong-doers try to shake off responsibility claiming to have meant well, and Nick was the poster boy for that. In the end, I admired his self-awareness and recognition of the fact that he just wasn’t meant to have a good life, but he kept trying despite of that.

At first, the twist about Nick at the end of the book didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t see how it was all connected and it just didn’t make sense to me. After more careful consideration, I realised that it’s what brings everything together in the end, and actually explains a lot.

For example, when I thought that Nick killing Q was a bit of a stretch. Of course it was, because it was fiction. Q is still alive. Or isn’t, we don’t know. It was part Alice’s wishful thinking, to finally kill the monster, and part wanting to make Nick do one heroic deed before he disappeared into fictional oblivion. Plus, his cabin chapter makes more sense when you realise it’s fiction.

In regards to the sexual assault and the revelation in the end, I believe it’s open to interpretation. Granted, Alice seemed convinced by Richard’s confession but let’s not forget that Richard is a master manipulator, he does that for a living! and he would say anything to avoid exposure. No matter if it did happen or not though, that is not the point. The point is the irreparable damage that even the smallest indication of sexual assault can do to the victim’s psyche. This experience shaped Alice’s whole adult life, that is an undeniable fact (see chapter with Q). Even if it’s ever proven otherwise years later, she couldn’t just go “Phew, what a relief!” and move on. Absolutely not. Something like that changes you forever and it is almost impossible to go back to a state when it didn’t happen. 

That being said, Alice, like with her essay drafts, finds a way to focus on the positive and manages to see a sliver of light at the end of a very dark, terrible tunnel. She decides to write her own narrative and not let anyone tell her story any more. She only knows her version to be true because it happened to her, it’s her story, which she says she used to punish those who hurt her, but also to forgive. This way, Petty expertly showcases the dichotomy between Alice’s still pervasive anger and her willingness to finally let go in the most satisfying ending this book could get.

I am aware that this book deals with sensitive matters, but sometimes we need to get a little uncomfortable in order to face reality, because these things happen all over the world every day. I would definitely recommend it to teenage girls and boys-so much more to take away from than a superficial YA romance, in my opinion.

READING: A Court of Frost and Starlight (A Court Of Thorn and Roses #3.1) by Sarah J. Maas

Publication date: May 1 2018

Published by: Bloomsbury USA

Genre: YA, Fantasy, Fae, Magic, Kings, Romance, Suspense 

Rating: 

Feyre, Rhys, and their close-knit circle of friends are still busy rebuilding the Night Court and the vastly-changed world beyond. But Winter Solstice is finally near, and with it, a hard-earned reprieve. 

Yet even the festive atmosphere can't keep the shadows of the past from looming. As Feyre navigates her first Winter Solstice as High Lady, she finds that those dearest to her have more wounds than she anticipated--scars that will have far-reaching impact on the future of their Court.

Um. Wtf was that?

Not that it was any worse than ACOWAR (at least this one was short!) but it looks to me like Sarah J Maas is purposefully sabotaging her own books. Or she simply writes whatever because she knows it's going to sell, which somehow is even worse.

First and foremost, there is too much sex in this book. Thankfully, not too much actual sex, but the insinuation of it was very prominent throughout it. Everyone was either talking, thinking or acting like sex was the only thing they think about ALL.DAY.LONG. How they get anything done, is beyond me! Especially Rhysand, whose possessive side, or rather lack thereof, was the only thing setting him apart from the big bad, Tamlin, or at least that's what Maas wanted us to think at the time because it suited her story. Rhysand was always shown as the good guy, the nice guy. Not that nice guys shouldn't have a high sex drive or that they shouldn't enjoy rough sex, not at all. Maas however, had attributed these characteristics to Tamlin in ACOMAF if you remember, and we all know Tamlin is the scum of the earth (eyeroll). So now, having Rhsyand repeatedly saying shit like "can't wait to take her" in reference to having sex with Feyre, especially after the sensitivity talk about how abusively Illyrian women were treated by men, it was absolutely disgusting and completely out of character. Another one ruined Sarah J Maas, thank you. 
And it wasn't just Rhysand and Feyre, even though they were my biggest problem in the book. 
Amren and Varian - sexual looks and touches in every interaction
Nesta and Cassian - Cassian ALWAYS looks like he's seconds away from jumping her
Again, nothing wrong with liking sex and lots of it, of course not. But not in this setting, and definitely not when it's used in place of a story with an actual plot.
Also, we are talking about a Young Adult book, yeah? I think everyone keeps forgetting that.. That is why I decided not to comment on Rhysand and Feyre's sex scene. 
Psych! Of course I will! 
It was unnerving and made me cringe. They both had way more chemistry Under the Mountain in ACOTAR, than now.

Going back to Rhysand and how Maas unapologetically destroyed him: he gave Feyre painting supplies as a Solstice present, sketchbooks etc. Hmmmmm 🤔 Does that remind you of anyone by any chance? Maybe Tamlin in ACOMAF, giving Feyre the exact same present and her hating it, thinking it was another way for him to control her and pressuring her into doing something she didn't want? I just found it interesting how Rhysand is slowly morphing into Tamlin, but for some reason it's ok now because he is Rhysand, and not a total loser like Tamlin, which Maas doesn't let us forget for a second. It wasn't only the scenes at the Spring Court that bothered me, but the constant reminder throughout the book that he deserved everything that happened to him. It just didn't sit well with me and I found it cruel and unnecessary.

Speaking of cruel, Feyre is such a little b.
Wait, scratch that. A major b! Where does she get off acting all superior to Lucien, like she's better than him or something? He came to bring her Solstice presents, which he absolutely didn't have to, and she only showed him scorn and derision, mocking him for his choice of friends. She is a hateful *%$#*& with a massive inferiority complex. Never ever liked her.
Lucien on the other hand, I like. I think he has the potential to become an awesome character, if Maas doesn't ruin him too.
Also, to Lucien: forget Elain, man. She is as bland as a napkin and you definitely deserve better. xx Love, me ❤️

Can we ease up on the use of the word "mate", please? You don't need to use it 100 times to remind us that Rhysand and Feyre are mates, WE GET IT! That was a huge pet peeve of mine in ACOMAF as well. Also, for us Aussies, the word "mate" has a slightly different connotation.
Whenever I read sentences like (paraphrasing): "I did all this for you, mate", I always thought of the following:
"Oi mate, get us a beer and I'll light up the barbie".
Ew.

After reading ACOFAS, I wonder why I didn't just stop at ACOMAF all these years ago? I thought it was mediocre then, and my opinion has only gotten worse for the rest of the series.
I would like to read Nesta and Cassian's story, I am not gonna lie. It is intriguing enough to me to borrow the book from the library when it comes out and give it a try. 
Cassian -- I already have him pegged, I highly doubt he'll surprise me in the books to come. Honestly, I just don't want him to turn into another Rhysand. That would be enough for me.
Nesta -- I am still on the fence about her. I definitely don't hate her like Feyre, but I think the whole angry kitten vibe has worn a little thin. I'm still holding out hope however that she can be more than that.

Stray observation: 
If I see this in one more book, I am going to scream:

"Didn't used to" 🙅🙅💣

It is not grammatically correct! It's just not. You can't use negative followed by a verb in past tense.
I don't even know how many eyes have gone through this book before its release, and somehow nobody picked it up. 
Just because "didn't used to" is homophonous with "didn't use to", which is the correct form, doesn't mean it's right. Ffs, so many teens and pre teens are reading your books, have a little care. And it's not just Maas. I have seen this in hundreds of books. For shame.