READING: The Foxhole Court (All for the Game #1) by Nora Sakavic

Publication date: January 15 2013
Published by: Nora Sakavic
Genre: Contemporary, Advertised as YA BUT IT'S NOT!, Adult, Sports, College
Rating:

Neil Josten is the newest addition to the Palmetto State University Exy team. He's short, he's fast, he's got a ton of potential—and he's the runaway son of the murderous crime lord known as The Butcher.

Signing a contract with the PSU Foxes is the last thing a guy like Neil should do. The team is high profile and he doesn't need sports crews broadcasting pictures of his face around the nation. His lies will hold up only so long under this kind of scrutiny and the truth will get him killed.

But Neil's not the only one with secrets on the team. One of Neil's new teammates is a friend from his old life, and Neil can't walk away from him a second time. Neil has survived the last eight years by running. Maybe he's finally found someone and something worth fighting for.

I didn't like this book 😕 I found it weird and off-putting.

Let's go through the GOOD parts first: I found the story interesting enough to offset the bad parts, and what ultimately made me continue reading. I liked Neil's background story in particular, with all his history of abuse and very dark past (I'm a sucker for a tormented soul, what can I do?) I found his difficulty to trust people and his struggle for survival genuine and well presented through his POV. A lot of readers were put off by mafia stuff being thrown in an NA sports book, but it didn't really bother me. I guess when you put it in actual words it does sound ridiculous but trust me, that was the least of this book's problem!

And now the BAD: the characters. All of them! They were impossible to like. Nicky, Andrew, Aaron and Seth in particular. Not that everyone else was great and they stood out, they were all bad. But those four really took the cake.
Where do I begin? The casual jokes about rape? The roofying? The obvious threats to someone's life? The constant mocking and derogatory comments? The homophobic slurs? ... among others. I don't like to use the word "psychotic" because psychosis is actually a serious mental illness. These guys were, simply put, major assholes. Freaking spoiled brats who happen to play a sport, and they think they're all that. Ugh, I hated them so much. I found no redeeming quality in any of them. They were all scum, and I can't think of a reason other readers might like them. It doesn't matter to me if their behaviours are going to be explained away in the next books. I read this one, and in this one, there was no explanation and no excuses. They were just disgusting human beings-end of story. And also, I highly doubt Sakavic would find an explanation that is convincing enough. Neil had an abusive and sad past, he didn't act this way.
The team's Coach was a full-on enabler, giving them drugs and alcohol and talking to them like they were delinquents, which ok, fair enough.

I still don't know what the point of Kevin was. His story and what happened with the Ravens could get someone to read the second book (not me), but he, again, was all fake machismo and toxic masculinity. I thought that had died with Twilight and the whole NA genre, no? I guess I'm too old for this shit, because I seriously can't stand it.

I have no idea why this book is advertised and marketed as an MM romance, because it's not. There is not even a slight hint of romance in this and to be quite frank, I found it refreshing. Imagine if on top of all this verbal and physical abuse, there was a romance out of nowhere? No, thank you.

Braver people than me have read the next two books. I think I might skip them. I have no time in my life for books that bring me down, and this one was a huge bummer for all the wrong reasons.
If the second book is so miraculously amazing as the ratings seem to show, I'll just have to take your word for it. 🤷

READING: True Story by Kate Reed Petty

Publication date: August 4 2020

Published by: Hatchette Australia

Genre: Adult, Contemporary, Sexual Assault, High school, Abuse, Real Life, Suspense

Rating: 

Back in 1999, Nick Brothers and his high school lacrosse team return for their senior year in a well-to-do Baltimore suburb as the reigning state champs. The afterglow of their big win is bound to last until graduation; not even the pressure of college applications can get in the way of their fun. But when a private school girl attempts suicide in the wake of one of the team's "legendary" parties, and a rumor begins to circulate that two of Nick's teammates sexually assaulted her, it seems like it might ruin everything--until the team circles the wagons, casts doubt on the story, and the town moves on.

But not everyone does. Fifteen years later, four people--Alice, Nick, a documentary filmmaker, and a wealthy entrepreneur--remain haunted by the roles they played, the things they still don't understand, and how the story has shaped their lives. In sections told from different points of view, each more propulsive than the last, the layers of mystery are gradually peeled back as we barrel toward the truth of what really happened that night . . . and what came after.

I received an ARC of True Story from Hatchette Australia and these are my thoughts.

Trigger warnings: sexual assault, abuse, alcoholism

I am sitting here for the past 20 minutes trying to decide how to start this review and I am coming up empty. I can’t think of the right preface to really express my feelings about True Story. I personally thought it was brilliant; a thought provoking, captivating book, which will occupy your thoughts days after you finish it.

That being said, I want to make something clear: if you are after a horror/thriller book, this is not for you. Some people were disappointed that the twist ending didn’t have the impact they were expecting, or that it wasn’t suspenseful enough. That was never the point of the book, in my opinion, it goes so much deeper than that. The book was about these people’s lives, Alice and Nick’s in particular, and how the former’s sexual assault in high school affected their whole lives. 

I loved Petty’s writing. In addition to it being straightforward, brutally honest and to the point, it was also quiet addictive, which made even such a difficult-to-read book so un-put-downable. 
One my favourite parts was Alice’s essay drafts for college. Her frustration and desperation to write about anything but her assault, and her enormous effort to “focus on the positive” when it was practically impossible, is palpable. You can see it in the amount of drafts she writes (all included in the book), and their repetitive content. The final tutor-approved draft, showed Alice’s tenacity and ability to turn even a silly thing as shoes (who writes about shoes making an impact on their lives in a college essay??) to a feminist message. She was a sexually assaulted 18-year-old girl, who was made to focus on the positive (otherwise no college for her!) and she did the best she could, even though she would never accept the compliment or admit it to herself.

My other favourite part was when Nick goes to the cabin. It got me hooked from the very first word and I didn’t put the book down until I finished the whole chapter. Nick’s voice filled me with dreadful anticipation of something horrible waiting to happen at any time. And something horrible was happening at any given time, because that was Nick’s life. It was awful and pitiful, but it didn’t make me feel sorry for him. I felt that Nick wouldn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him, because he believed he deserved everything that was happening to him. He was clearly self-destructive, and that cost him everything in his life. I truly believe he meant well, in a sense that he did not deliberately try to hurt anyone, but so many wrong-doers try to shake off responsibility claiming to have meant well, and Nick was the poster boy for that. In the end, I admired his self-awareness and recognition of the fact that he just wasn’t meant to have a good life, but he kept trying despite of that.

At first, the twist about Nick at the end of the book didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t see how it was all connected and it just didn’t make sense to me. After more careful consideration, I realised that it’s what brings everything together in the end, and actually explains a lot.

For example, when I thought that Nick killing Q was a bit of a stretch. Of course it was, because it was fiction. Q is still alive. Or isn’t, we don’t know. It was part Alice’s wishful thinking, to finally kill the monster, and part wanting to make Nick do one heroic deed before he disappeared into fictional oblivion. Plus, his cabin chapter makes more sense when you realise it’s fiction.

In regards to the sexual assault and the revelation in the end, I believe it’s open to interpretation. Granted, Alice seemed convinced by Richard’s confession but let’s not forget that Richard is a master manipulator, he does that for a living! and he would say anything to avoid exposure. No matter if it did happen or not though, that is not the point. The point is the irreparable damage that even the smallest indication of sexual assault can do to the victim’s psyche. This experience shaped Alice’s whole adult life, that is an undeniable fact (see chapter with Q). Even if it’s ever proven otherwise years later, she couldn’t just go “Phew, what a relief!” and move on. Absolutely not. Something like that changes you forever and it is almost impossible to go back to a state when it didn’t happen. 

That being said, Alice, like with her essay drafts, finds a way to focus on the positive and manages to see a sliver of light at the end of a very dark, terrible tunnel. She decides to write her own narrative and not let anyone tell her story any more. She only knows her version to be true because it happened to her, it’s her story, which she says she used to punish those who hurt her, but also to forgive. This way, Petty expertly showcases the dichotomy between Alice’s still pervasive anger and her willingness to finally let go in the most satisfying ending this book could get.

I am aware that this book deals with sensitive matters, but sometimes we need to get a little uncomfortable in order to face reality, because these things happen all over the world every day. I would definitely recommend it to teenage girls and boys-so much more to take away from than a superficial YA romance, in my opinion.

READING: A Court of Frost and Starlight (A Court Of Thorn and Roses #3.1) by Sarah J. Maas

Publication date: May 1 2018

Published by: Bloomsbury USA

Genre: YA, Fantasy, Fae, Magic, Kings, Romance, Suspense 

Rating: 

Feyre, Rhys, and their close-knit circle of friends are still busy rebuilding the Night Court and the vastly-changed world beyond. But Winter Solstice is finally near, and with it, a hard-earned reprieve. 

Yet even the festive atmosphere can't keep the shadows of the past from looming. As Feyre navigates her first Winter Solstice as High Lady, she finds that those dearest to her have more wounds than she anticipated--scars that will have far-reaching impact on the future of their Court.

Um. Wtf was that?

Not that it was any worse than ACOWAR (at least this one was short!) but it looks to me like Sarah J Maas is purposefully sabotaging her own books. Or she simply writes whatever because she knows it's going to sell, which somehow is even worse.

First and foremost, there is too much sex in this book. Thankfully, not too much actual sex, but the insinuation of it was very prominent throughout it. Everyone was either talking, thinking or acting like sex was the only thing they think about ALL.DAY.LONG. How they get anything done, is beyond me! Especially Rhysand, whose possessive side, or rather lack thereof, was the only thing setting him apart from the big bad, Tamlin, or at least that's what Maas wanted us to think at the time because it suited her story. Rhysand was always shown as the good guy, the nice guy. Not that nice guys shouldn't have a high sex drive or that they shouldn't enjoy rough sex, not at all. Maas however, had attributed these characteristics to Tamlin in ACOMAF if you remember, and we all know Tamlin is the scum of the earth (eyeroll). So now, having Rhsyand repeatedly saying shit like "can't wait to take her" in reference to having sex with Feyre, especially after the sensitivity talk about how abusively Illyrian women were treated by men, it was absolutely disgusting and completely out of character. Another one ruined Sarah J Maas, thank you. 
And it wasn't just Rhysand and Feyre, even though they were my biggest problem in the book. 
Amren and Varian - sexual looks and touches in every interaction
Nesta and Cassian - Cassian ALWAYS looks like he's seconds away from jumping her
Again, nothing wrong with liking sex and lots of it, of course not. But not in this setting, and definitely not when it's used in place of a story with an actual plot.
Also, we are talking about a Young Adult book, yeah? I think everyone keeps forgetting that.. That is why I decided not to comment on Rhysand and Feyre's sex scene. 
Psych! Of course I will! 
It was unnerving and made me cringe. They both had way more chemistry Under the Mountain in ACOTAR, than now.

Going back to Rhysand and how Maas unapologetically destroyed him: he gave Feyre painting supplies as a Solstice present, sketchbooks etc. Hmmmmm 🤔 Does that remind you of anyone by any chance? Maybe Tamlin in ACOMAF, giving Feyre the exact same present and her hating it, thinking it was another way for him to control her and pressuring her into doing something she didn't want? I just found it interesting how Rhysand is slowly morphing into Tamlin, but for some reason it's ok now because he is Rhysand, and not a total loser like Tamlin, which Maas doesn't let us forget for a second. It wasn't only the scenes at the Spring Court that bothered me, but the constant reminder throughout the book that he deserved everything that happened to him. It just didn't sit well with me and I found it cruel and unnecessary.

Speaking of cruel, Feyre is such a little b.
Wait, scratch that. A major b! Where does she get off acting all superior to Lucien, like she's better than him or something? He came to bring her Solstice presents, which he absolutely didn't have to, and she only showed him scorn and derision, mocking him for his choice of friends. She is a hateful *%$#*& with a massive inferiority complex. Never ever liked her.
Lucien on the other hand, I like. I think he has the potential to become an awesome character, if Maas doesn't ruin him too.
Also, to Lucien: forget Elain, man. She is as bland as a napkin and you definitely deserve better. xx Love, me ❤️

Can we ease up on the use of the word "mate", please? You don't need to use it 100 times to remind us that Rhysand and Feyre are mates, WE GET IT! That was a huge pet peeve of mine in ACOMAF as well. Also, for us Aussies, the word "mate" has a slightly different connotation.
Whenever I read sentences like (paraphrasing): "I did all this for you, mate", I always thought of the following:
"Oi mate, get us a beer and I'll light up the barbie".
Ew.

After reading ACOFAS, I wonder why I didn't just stop at ACOMAF all these years ago? I thought it was mediocre then, and my opinion has only gotten worse for the rest of the series.
I would like to read Nesta and Cassian's story, I am not gonna lie. It is intriguing enough to me to borrow the book from the library when it comes out and give it a try. 
Cassian -- I already have him pegged, I highly doubt he'll surprise me in the books to come. Honestly, I just don't want him to turn into another Rhysand. That would be enough for me.
Nesta -- I am still on the fence about her. I definitely don't hate her like Feyre, but I think the whole angry kitten vibe has worn a little thin. I'm still holding out hope however that she can be more than that.

Stray observation: 
If I see this in one more book, I am going to scream:

"Didn't used to" 🙅🙅💣

It is not grammatically correct! It's just not. You can't use negative followed by a verb in past tense.
I don't even know how many eyes have gone through this book before its release, and somehow nobody picked it up. 
Just because "didn't used to" is homophonous with "didn't use to", which is the correct form, doesn't mean it's right. Ffs, so many teens and pre teens are reading your books, have a little care. And it's not just Maas. I have seen this in hundreds of books. For shame.

READING: A Court of Wings and Ruin (A Court Of Thorn and Roses #3) by Sarah J. Maas

Publication date: May 2 2017

Published by: Bloomsbury USA

Genre: YA, Fantasy, Fae, Magic, Kings, Romance, Suspense 

Rating: 

Feyre has returned to the Spring Court, determined to gather information on Tamlin's manoeuvrings and the invading king threatening to bring Prythian to its knees. But to do so she must play a deadly game of deceit – and one slip may spell doom not only for Feyre, but for her world as well.

As war bears down upon them all, Feyre must decide who to trust amongst the dazzling and lethal High Lords – and hunt for allies in unexpected places. 

It took me almost a month to finish this book, and for a good reason.

We are in the middle of a very bad second wave of COVID-19 here in Melbourne and quite honestly, I was in no mood to read. I have been working from home since 1st of April and I have only been out for grocery shopping since then. With my family in another country and all my friends on quarantine, it has been a lot, to put it mildly. And reading this boring as book, didn't help at all!

I am not even gonna try to review ACOWAR. For me it was a waste of my time and try as I might, I can't find anything positive to say about it. 
The last battle with Hybern which was the only thing I was looking forward to was a hot mess, with things happening way to quickly and with no rhyme or reason.

Feyre's dad appeared out of nowhere, all hero-like all of a sudden when up until then he was admittedly the biggest coward, only to die so quickly minutes later. What was the point of that? And Feyre could resurrect Rhys possibly owing a million favors to all High Lords, but her father she didn't even give a second thought? And I am supposed to believe her sadness? Please, she couldn't care less. She always thought he was a wimp and I would have respected her way more if she didn't pretend to mourn him.

To me ACOWAR was a book full of grunts, snorts, chuckles, repetitive patterns and boring as scenes. 699 pages of it. At least ACOMAF had flowed smoothly and was literally unputdownable, regardless of its questionable content. ACOWAR is definitely not a worthy sequel and the 4.46 Goodreads rating astounds me.

READING: A Court of Mist and Fury (A Court Of Thorn and Roses #2) by Sarah J. Maas

Publication date: May 3 2016

Published by: Bloomsbury USA

Genre: YA, Fantasy, Fae, Magic, Kings, Romance, Suspense 

Rating: 

Feyre survived Amarantha's clutches to return to the Spring Court—but at a steep cost. Though she now has the powers of the High Fae, her heart remains human, and it can't forget the terrible deeds she performed to save Tamlin's people.

Nor has Feyre forgotten her bargain with Rhysand, High Lord of the feared Night Court. As Feyre navigates its dark web of politics, passion, and dazzling power, a greater evil looms—and she might be key to stopping it. But only if she can harness her harrowing gifts, heal her fractured soul, and decide how she wishes to shape her future—and the future of a world cleaved in two.

Wow 😳😳

Sarah J Maas, you played me good. So good in fact, that for a minute there I actually thought this book was awesome. Only after I finished it and wondered what the hell I just read, did I realise that ACOMAF is nothing but bell and whistles, just showy and flashy mediocrity, nothing more.
Just for the nerve and skill it takes to successfully accomplish that and make $$millions out of it, I’ve got to hand it to you, you are absolutely brilliant. 
Your book? Not so much.

I will divide this review into sections – makes it easier to just read the parts you want and skip the rest.

SPOILERS AHEAD-YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Content/Plot/Story: ACOMAF is a dense book. It’s 626 pages chock full of action and exposition. Is it all necessary and useful? Absolutely not. Was I bored? Surprisingly, not at all. I thought ACOTAR was boring in parts, but not ACOMAF.
I’m gonna be real with you though: what I really cared about was to see what’s gonna happen with Feyre and Rhys and consequently Tamlin, and that is what kept me turning the pages. Maas came up with a simplistic story about the cauldron and how to nullify it, which should have been front and centre, but only worked as a filler between the romance. And even then, it was mostly used as a plot device to bring F+R closer together. This way, the romantic aspect never ever let up, it was always present in the book and those two were almost always together in every scene. That is what made the book so addicting in my opinion, the slow burn romance. And Maas was a master in skilfully dragging it out without making the reader feel bored or uninterested. By doing so, she created a feeling of time passing very slowly, so you think that the events of the book take place in a span of years, but in actuality it has only been a couple of months. That’s mostly so we can forget about Tamlin completely and 1. accept that Feyre will choose Rhys and 2. be shocked by the "Tamlin is working with the King: reveal. I wasn’t, I actually found it very consistent with how he had been portrayed so far.
The ending was pitiful. After almost 600 pages of planning and training and covert missions, as soon as Feyre reached the cauldron, she surrendered almost instantly to its magic. This born again-power of all 7 courts-High Fae, who has proven she had so much power in other occasions, she couldn’t resist the cauldron and the book even for a second more and gave in that easily? It was laughable, really. She had enough power to break all of the King’s wards in the end, but no power to nullify the freaking cauldron. She had ONE job!
Let’s not mention the most powerful Fae in existence not being able to move a finger to do anything while King was dipping Feyre’s sisters in the cauldron (??) Also, why is Jurian working with the King? He was buddy buddy with Amarantha so Jurian should…hate him? I mean, it’s ridiculous if you think about it. No thought put into writing a decent story that actually makes sense. I know I said that I mostly cared about the romance, but I am still very aware that I am reading a fantasy book series. I think if you are a writer of that calibre, you can write both an alluring romance AND an engaging story in one book. Very disappointing.

Feyre
I never liked Feyre, and ACOMAF solidified that. She is very insecure and an attention seeker. She cared for her family yes, but she always made sure they knew it was because of her that they survived. I don’t think she’s that honourable that she could not forsake the oath she gave to her mother, whom she didn’t hold in any high regard anyway. As soon as Tamlin told her her family was taken care of in ACOTAR, she stopped worrying about them, choosing instead to blindly trust the word of a Fey she spent her life hating, and go on living her life in the luxury of Spring Court. 
At the end of ACOTAR, Feyre kills two humans because of her love (or attraction, lust) for Tamlin AND NOTHING ELSE. She couldn’t bare seeing him with Amarantha and she had to get him back. I think that is mostly what drove her insane when they went back to the Spring Court and she couldn’t sleep or eat. That she killed two people in cold blood for a guy she kind of just met. When the infatuation passed and she realised what she had done, it is only natural for her to feel shitty. But that’s on her, no one else is to blame for that. Yes, Tamlin was being an ass and was overprotective and was acting all alpha male. But also, can you blame him? She threw enormous fits because she was couldn’t stand the sight of the colour red (!) and then she was asking to go hunting evil, dangerous creatures with him. Like he would ever agree to that after seeing the freak-out state she was always in and how she cowered in the face of everything. I am not justifying Tamlin’s actions, but whatever Feyre’s psychological trauma was after what happened under the mountain, we never stopped to consider that Tamlin’s might have been the same or even bigger. I admit I didn’t when I was reading the book, and that is once again great proof of how Maas can skilfully manipulate the reader. 
In regards to Feyre, I don’t know what else to say. I think the absolute failure of her end mission speaks volumes of her and the way she approaches things that don’t directly pertain to her.
She craved Rhys’s attention constantly in both ACOTAR and ACOMAF, and pretending not to be attracted to him because it would be considered “traitorous” to Tamlin, was absolutely ridiculous. She even commented on the fact that Tamlin didn’t do anything to save her under the mountain while Rhys risked it all (again, massive manipulation). I don’t see her objecting to Rhys not doing anything to save her in the end of ACOMAF when his friends were in danger…just saying. She is self-righteous and such a drama queen when things don’t go her way, and will not admit that she is wrong to save her life. At least she admitted that she only fell for Tamlin because he was the first person to show her kindness. I think that must have been the only real thing she ever said. Apart from that, I have nothing good to say about her. Not a fan.

Rhysand
Look, I like Rhys. I liked him when he pretended to be evil, even though everyone knew he wasn’t, and I liked him when he was finally out as a good person in ACOMAF. The more I read and got deeper into the book though, the more I got that niggling feeling inside that something’s just not right. Every time Feyre gave him a very good excuse to blow a fuse or be protective or act like a jerk or just have a normal reaction like we have seen happen with MCs everywhere, he always reacted the same: calmly, politely and very well mannered, practically giving Feyre whatever she wanted and being the picture perfect partner.
She wanted space? No problem. 
She wanted to tease him relentlessly and not be teased back? He took it all in stride.
She wanted to be included in all meetings and decisions? Yes, ma’am.
He basically did everything in his power to show how diametrically different to Tamlin he was (manipulation again) and how Feyre made the right decision. While I don’t mind YA and NA MCs being uncharacteristically nice for once, I do think there is a limit. There is such a thing as “too perfect”, and that was Rhysand. When he went to the Night Court and tried to play the bad guy, it was just not believable at all, almost like a kid playing dress up. In ACOTAR, there was a good balance between his light and dark side, but in ACOMAF that all went out the window and he lost all the bits of his personality that actually made him interesting. His long ass speech in the cabin at the end was supposed to show what a hero he was, and how noble he remained through everything and I’m sorry for being harsh, but I thought he came across as completely spineless. His sentences started like “I wanted to say or do that blah blah but I couldn’t, because I respected you and I only cared about your happiness”. Boo hoo who cares?? Show some B-bone bro, seriously! Have flaws and take responsibility for them, nobody likes perfect. Perfect is sooo boring. Flawed characters can still be good-natured and respectful, it’s called WRITING A MULTI DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER! I think Maas did a disservice to both Rhysand and Tamlin in ACOMAF. And even though as I said I like Rhys, I would like to see him disagree or get angry or have any kind of a reaction to Feyre when she is being too dramatic or unreasonable, that is not pure adoration (barf).
I don’t think that Maas needed to invent mating to show that Feyre and Rhys have something special. I could have done without it. And the number of times Feyre calls Rhys her “mate” in the book, it’s just over the top. Yes, we get it! You are relieved you chose "correctly" and Rhys was your destiny and not Tamlin. If that’s what makes you sleep at night…
Rhysand, I still have faith in you. Please go back to the mysterious and cunning night creature you were in ACOTAR 🙏

Tamlin
First off, I want to acknowledge the fact that it takes massive balls to suddenly change the love interest of a YA/NA series in book two, especially one you made the readers so invested in book one. I have never seen or heard of it happening before in books of the genre, and anything that is so original is immediately interesting to me.
That being said, the shade thrown at Tamlin in ACOMAF, was on another level. Poor thing, I almost felt sorry for him. Even though I didn’t like the way Tamlin handled some things (yes, he is flawed!), we can all agree that Feyre is a massive drama queen and over exaggerated about everything. And I don’t even like Tamlin, I am Rhys all the way, have been since ACOTAR. But, we have to face the facts here: would we think Tamlin was bad if Rhys wasn’t in the picture? Would we think that he did “nothing” Under the Mountain, if Rhys was not there to serve as Feyre’s puppy dog, showering her with attention? Would we think that Tamlin locking Feyre in for “her own good” was as bad as shown, if there was not a romantic interest alternative already established? The answer to all that is no, we wouldn’t. If Rhys was not there or he was not pure perfection, Tamlin and Feyre would have a tiff, they would struggle to overcome the tortures they endured UTM, but in the end their relationship would become stronger for it and they would fight against Hybern together to save Prythian. It’s only in comparison to Rhys that we see Tamlin as an asshole. And Maas didn’t let us forget it! The comparisons between the two were endless and of course, when you’re compared to perfection you always lose. Only thing missing was Feyre comparing dick size and performance, which I wouldn’t put past her to do. It was done is such a crass way that is just wasn't fair. We couldn't even hear his side of things. The only thing that struck true to me was when Feyre admitted that both her and Tamlin were so badly hurt by Amarantha, that they could never recover after they came back. I can accept and agree to that. Maybe if she thought to say that to Tamlin, they would have broken up amicably and in a more reasonable and respectful manner. But no. She had to be all dramatic about it 🙄
Naturally, when it was revealed that Tamlin made a pact with the King, it was done, there was no coming back from that. We now officially hate Tamlin and we can no longer make excuses for him, period. And to think he made this deal only so he can get Feyre back because he thought that she was in danger at the Night Court, knowing what he knows of it. Remember, he doesn't know anything about Velaris and um, the Night Court did kill his entire family. So, a little food for thought there. That doesn’t justify him consorting with the enemy, but hey. Feyre killed two innocent fae to get Tamlin back. Potato potatho 🤷

Sex
Good Lord, that was graphic! Since when do YA books contain such explicit sex scenes? I am not going to be all prudish and say this is not for teens, because let’s be real, teens have seen more mature content on the internet that I have seen in my entire life! Note though, that is by choice and mostly unbeknownst to parents. However, when you market your book as YA and it gets shelved in stores as such, you have a certain responsibility towards a huge number of readers who are underage. I think ACOMAF should be a better fit in the New Adult genre, but then again *whispers* NAs don’t sell as much. 

Other characters: I liked the Night Court team. Wasn’t over the moon, but I had no particular problem with them. I would have liked to get to know Azriel more, he seems interesting. Cassian is the typical brute sidekick I have seen many many times before in YAs, but still enjoyable. Also, I can sense an enemies-to-lovers story with Nesta, and I’m here for it 🙌
Am I the only one who still likes Lucien and wants him to be King of everyone and everything? 😂 I mean, the bond with Elain is ludicrous, but apart from that I really like him. Hope Maas doesn’t destroy his character as well in ACOWAR.
I would also like to point out the lack of diversity in this book. I don't know about Maas's other series and what's going on there, but I'd take an educated guess and say...the same?

In summation, ACOMAF was, without a doubt, a very addictive page turner with an undeniably appealing romance. BUT! If you really stop and consider what you’re reading for a second, you will see this book for what it truly is: the most beautiful Christmas present you can’t wait to unwrap, only to find out it’s totally empty inside.
Or as Emer very well put in her review ← read it, it's dope.

 

READING: Allegedly by Tiffany D. Jackson

Publication date: January 24 2017

Published by: Harper Collins

Genre: NA, Contemporary, Dark, Abuse, Mystery, Suspense 

Rating: 

Mary B. Addison killed a baby.

Allegedly. She didn’t say much in that first interview with detectives, and the media filled in the only blanks that mattered: A white baby had died while under the care of a churchgoing black woman and her nine-year-old daughter. The public convicted Mary and the jury made it official. But did she do it? She wouldn’t say.

Mary survived six years in baby jail before being dumped in a group home. The house isn’t really “home”—no place where you fear for your life can be considered a home. Home is Ted, who she meets on assignment at a nursing home.

There wasn’t a point to setting the record straight before, but now she’s got Ted—and their unborn child—to think about. When the state threatens to take her baby, Mary must find the voice to fight her past. And her fate lies in the hands of the one person she distrusts the most: her Momma. No one knows the real Momma. But who really knows the real Mary?

Definitely NOT the best time to be reading a book like this!

Don't get me wrong, Allegedly was well written with an intriguing story - all in all, surprisingly good for a debut novel, but it was such a bummeeeeeer of a book. With all that is happening right now in the world, and even though the book was addictive, I didn't want to pick it up because I knew it would depress the hell out of me.

Also, I didn't really care for any of the characters enough to want to see what happens to them. Mary is a shell of a girl with myriads of mental and psychological issues which she only immediately identifies in others but never in herself. She is a bit too judgy for my taste, given her circumstances and how easy she forgives and justifies disgusting and wretched people in her life.
Between her and the ending (last 3 page-very unnecessary-reveal), I would only recommend this book to those that are into super disturbing, unsettling, everything-is-garbage-no-hope-for-the-human-race kind of reads. 
I personally don't mind them under normal circumstances, but these are very abnormal times we live in and this book was not for me at this point in time. I will still give it 3 stars though for the writing.

READING: Bad Romance by Heather Demetrios

Publication date: June 13 2017

Published by: Henry Holt & Co

Genre: Adult, Contemporary, Dark, Self-Harm, Abuse, Mystery, Sexual Assault 

Rating:

Grace wants out. Out of her house, where her stepfather wields fear like a weapon and her mother makes her scrub imaginary dirt off the floors. Out of her California town, too small to contain her big city dreams. Out of her life, and into the role of Parisian artist, New York director—anything but scared and alone.

Enter Gavin: charming, talented, adored. Controlling. Dangerous. When Grace and Gavin fall in love, Grace is sure it's too good to be true. She has no idea their relationship will become a prison she's unable to escape. 

Deeply affecting and unflinchingly honest, this is a story about spiraling into darkness—and emerging into the light again.

Bad Romance was a very hard book to read. I constantly felt threatened and afraid while at the same time, I couldn't put it down.
That's the power of a great writer and of ,what has got be, one of the best books I read this year.

You probably already know, but Bad Romance contains many, many triggers about emotional, physical and sexual abuse. If you have been abused or know someone that has, this might be a bit difficult for you to go through and I completely get if someone chooses not to read it.
It wasn't easy.

Grace leaves in an abusive home. Her mum is married to a horrible man who physically abuses and belittles her and consequently she takes it out on Grace. Grace is made to do all housework to perfection and if not, she is given the most severe and absurd punishments. No wonder that after falling head over heels with Gavin, a teenage rock god and senior at her school, she doesn't see the level of his abuse straight away, putting it down to him being protective and caring about her.

When I was in my 20s, I heard my mom telling stories about friends of hers being talked down to and beaten by their partners and were in general extremely unhappy in their marriages. As far as I know these women are still married to the same men to this day. I remember thinking: "What, are they fucking stupid? Why don't they leave?" I'll admit, I was very judgmental and quite ignorant back then, mostly because I grew up in a safe and loving family and I just couldn't understand why these women didn't just leave. Simple. Just open the door and never look back.
As I got older, I had a rude awakening and my bubble was not only burst, but shattered into million pieces. I found out firsthand how abuse can be so subtle and fine that it is almost undetectable (definitely by the people involved) and how you can stay in an abusive relationship without even realising that it is harmful. As for leaving? Ha. Not even on the table.

That is what happened to Grace. She knew after a while (you cannot not know, it's impossible) that she was unhappy and she could not live that way anymore but she just couldn't leave. Reasons varied from lack of self respect ("I'm never gonna find anyone like him to like me back"), complete denial ("But he loves me and I love him") to emotional manipulation ("If you leave me, I will kill myself"). Whatever the reason, the answer to her friends demanding that she break up with him was always "I can't". 

The level of abuse Grace had to suffer was beyond anything I could imagine. It was A LOT, but I liked the fact that she remained real throughout. She didn't turn from victim to super hero in one day, or had a completely unwarranted and out of character reaction, which if I'm being honest, at that point, I could believe even that. To see that kind of trauma painfully unravel in front of me little by little, I didn't even know what reaction would be "suitable".
I also really loved the ending, and I think it is a clear message to all women out there.

Grace went to Gavin and told him for a second time that she is breaking up with him, for real this time. There was no begging from his part, no tearing of clothes, no tears, certainly no killing himself. And then Grace opened the door and just left.

That goes to show that a lot of times we embellish things and situations in our heads so much that it's almost paralysing, when it's very very simple. And when we do take that leap, we see how much time we wasted being inactive and unhappy.
OBVIOUSLY not all situations are the same! and if you find it impossible to walk out and say enough is enough, I get it. It is extremely hard, nobody saying it's not. That is why you need a good support system or if you don't have that, please find someone with the knowledge and expertise to help you. Reach out, because it's definitely not something you can do on your own.

As much as I hated Grace's parents (no excuses for her mum, she was horrible, awful and she should be institutionalised, if not imprisoned), I think Gavin's parents were worse. They were not doing him any favours by piling on his deluded dream of getting married to Grace and getting an apartment and all that crap. I mean they were barely 19 years old and Gavin was mentally unstable, he was on medication. They should have paid closer attention to him and not emotionally manipulate Grace into staying with him. Maybe I'm being harsh, I don't know. I understand that they loved him, but you can't be blind to anything else that is going on.

Bad Romance was exquisite, but I'm not gonna lie, I struggled with it. On an emotional level, it took me back to a state of mind where I swore I'd never be again, and I found I needed a long break from reading after I finished it.
That said, it was amazingly written and I don't regret picking it up for a second. 
It made my heart bleed, but I loved it.

A dear friend of mine was hospitalised earlier this year because of something her husband did to her, I don't want to go into details. She could have died, that's how bad she was. After months in the hospital and clinics and therapy, she went to live with her mom. In one of our calls, she admitted to me that she misses her husband because, and I quote: "He is the only one who gets me". I think that says a lot about an abused woman's mindset.

READING: Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Publication date: May 14 2019
Published by: St. Martin Griffin 
Genre: New Adult, Contemporary, MM, Romance
Rating: 

What happens when America's First Son falls in love with the Prince of Wales?

When his mother became President, Alex Claremont-Diaz was promptly cast as the American equivalent of a young royal. Handsome, charismatic, genius—his image is pure millennial-marketing gold for the White House. There's only one problem: Alex has a beef with the actual prince, Henry, across the pond. And when the tabloids get hold of a photo involving an Alex-Henry altercation, U.S./British relations take a turn for the worse.

Heads of family, state, and other handlers devise a plan for damage control: staging a truce between the two rivals. What at first begins as a fake, Instragramable friendship grows deeper, and more dangerous, than either Alex or Henry could have imagined. Soon Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret romance with a surprisingly unstuffy Henry that could derail the campaign and upend two nations and begs the question: Can love save the world after all? Where do we find the courage, and the power, to be the people we are meant to be? And how can we learn to let our true colors shine through?

I love him, with all that, because of

all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose. 

If the Lord of Over-the-topchester and the Duchess of Over-hypedshire had a child, it would be Red, White and Royal Blue.

Before I am publically flogged at the city square for blasphemy, hear me out.

Red… wasn’t a bad book. It was, above all else, a very optimistic and positive take on the revelation of a romantic relationship between two prominent and powerful men in today’s society. It was very hopeful and sweet and cute and rainbows and glitter and as pink as its cover.

I couldn’t relate much to the characters which was of course to be expected. No matter how down to earth and humble the FSOTUS and the Prince of England were, and they were not, they are still the FSOTUS and the Prince of England. Their lives are outwardly to us and I am assuming ours is to them. So yeah, I don’t really care about extravagant parties and royal weddings that cost a developing country’s GDP. Thanks but no.

HENRY & ALEX
I thought they were both really sweet and their courtship very romantic and lovey-dovey, almost fairy tale-ish. I truly believe that Alex loved Henry (I had no doubt about Henry, he was obsessed with Alex) even though I’d rather he mulled it over a bit more seeing how impulsive he was. I liked their banter and their sense of humor, Henry’s “rigidness” balancing out Alex’s almost clownish behaviour. 
The emails they sent to each other could have been dialled down a notch; rich beyond measure, 20 something year old guys can’t recite so many literary quotes. They can’t recite any actually. Nice touch, but silly after a while.
I have to admit, I was a bit lukewarm about Alex throughout the book. I didn’t believe he was as “real” as advertised, definitely not a Texas country boy and I wouldn’t be surprised if down the line he broke Henry’s heart. It’s not that he was a bad guy, not at all. Like I said in a previous review: it’s the Westernised upbringing: entitled to everything, go get it, you can do it! While that is a great sentiment and I applaud it, it has a self centered undertone to it, a “if don’t like, dispose and get another one” kind of feel. I was pleasantly surprised to see that McQuiston did maintain that difference in attitudes between American and English whether inadvertently or not. Henry was always more composed and put more thought into everything he did and said, not because he was supposed to be the stiff heir to the throne, but because as Europeans we are all programmed to think and behave this way, from royalty to low class. Some of you might think that I am exaggerating or that I am simply wrong. I am telling you though, I wasn’t aware these cultural differences even existed until I migrated from Europe to Australia, so I am speaking from personal experience. 
Seeing that Red…was told exclusively from Alex’s POV in present tense, it was even harder for me to go along and understand the way his or his family acted. That is why I wasn’t particularly fond of the back and forth emails, they kinda took away all the intimacy and didn’t give them the chance to interact with and learn more in depth stuff about each other.
As far as NA MM romantic relationships go this one was OK, but I have seen way better (ahem Mark Cooper versus America) 

POLITICS
Always being on top of what’s happening in the world and constantly educating myself, I have formed my own political views and I will surely not be swayed by a NA romance novel of all things. Apart from it praising Nazis and sexual predators, I don’t mind reading others' political opinions and views. McQuiston is obviously very influenced by the 2016 US election as she mentioned in her acknowledgments, and is taking a very clear stance against a fictional Republican candidate who is apparently very vile. I wasn’t at all surprised at that, as I wouldn’t be surprised if the same was said for a Democrat candidate. I am old and cynical enough to not have any trust in politicians no matter how great they may seem. I don’t begrudge McQuiston’s political stance at all, this is a work of fiction after all.
However, I agree that her characters were one dimensional, Richards was the dark, evil villain and Ellen was the gallant, self-sacrificing hero, which is utterly unrealistic and an obvious lie. I don’t believe for a second that she wouldn’t throw a massive fit when her son’s scandal came out that close to elections or that she wouldn't try to twist it to her benefit, there is simply too much at stake. But again, over-romanticised, super wishful work of fiction.
I would have mad respect for McQuiston if she made Henry and Alex denounce their positions and live their lives peacefully away from the public eye. But I guess giving up Burberry button downs and Gucci bomber jackets was too much to ask.

OTHER CHARACTERS
The rest of the characters were way over the top and I didn’t like any of them :/ Sad, but true. Luna’s story was too convenient and I didn’t like McQuiston springing sexual harassment on me, too much on the nose.

Was Red… over ambitious? Yes.
Was it pretentious? Definitely.
Was it way too long? For sure. 

Despite all that, I’d still recommend it to all the wide-eyed, day dreaming teens out there who haven’t got their hopes totally crushed by the system yet. This is definitely for them.

READING: Kissing Tolstoi by Penny Reid

Publication date: November 7 2017
Published by: Cipher-Naught
Genre: New Adult, Contemporary, College, Romance
Rating: 

What do you do when you discover that your super-hot blind date from months ago is now your super-hot Russian Lit professor?

You overthink everything and pray for a swift end to your misery, of course!

It is popular to say that one must find love within oneself before knowing how to love another. 

I rejected this statement outright, as both imbecilic in theory and impossible in practice. 

Kissing Tolstoy read like any girl’s – or at least most girls’ – fantasy. The sitting under the window sill in your nightie looking longingly at the stars and moon kind of fantasy. The one when a strapping, well educated, knowledgeable man is obsessed with making you his. 
At the end of the day, isn’t that what it’s all about? 
It sure was for Anna, after she meets dapper Russian lit professor Luca who is:
A) Drop dead gorgeous
B) rides a motorcycle 
C) wears leather pants like nobody’s business and 
D) is kind of a dominant. But with a soft side. Duh.
Now why did I always picture Russian lit professors as long nosed, hunched backed 60 somethings, I honestly don’t know. Popular misconception I guess.

Kissing Tolstoy was a really sweet, very funny story about Anna, an unremarkable 21 year old self-proclaimed nerd, who loves jigsaw puzzles and Russian Lit, falling in love with her very hot 32 year old professor.
Before you say anything, yes, I realise the theme is a bit “taboo”, but is it really? 
They are both consenting adults and Luca did the right thing and was responsible and mature enough to nip the issue in the bud when he knew he wanted to pursue Anna. Not that I am congratulating him for common sense and decency, I am just saying that's what happened.
You can’t help who you fall in love with and these things, as crazy as they seem, do happen. Probably not as exaggerated and over the top as in Kissing Tolstoi but I can personally attest that they happen. A close friend of mine fell in love with her professor in her mid 20s and they have been happily married for 15 years and have 2 kids, so there.

I loved the sense of humour in the book, I LOLed on a lot of occasions which can be kind of awkward when you are reading the book at work and the manager/monster is looking at you all weird.

"His words landed like a physical blow and the wind was forced from my lungs, leaving me breathless.
And wretched.
Breathless and Wretched, the new fragrance by Calvin Klein.

What I felt missing from Kissing Tolstoy was EITHER 100+ pages more, so Luca’s automatic obsession with Anna could be explained and justified OR more of Luca’s POV, which would have the same result.
I love reading Russian characters or characters with Russian decent because their mindset is very similar to Greeks: this totally pessimistic and cynical view of the world and people, which I guess is imbedded in our DNA from years and years of political and economic upheaval in both our countries. I always envied the optimistic and confident Westerners who were told they could have anything they want in life and that the world is their oyster. But in a way this perspective, appealing though it is, never felt real to me. So on the rare occasion I read about a self deprecating, mad at the world, defeatist character, I immediately like him.

Overall, Kissing Tolstoy was a super cute and sexy, but unfortunately very brief, story about a whirlwind romance between a college student and her professor. It was very enjoyable for what it was, a very short shot of romance with clever banter and over the top situations that will make you smile, even though they are far from relatable or believable.