READING: Ninth House (Alex Stern #1) by Leigh Bardugo

Publication date: October 8 2019

Published by: Flatiron Books

Genre: Adult, College, Contemporary, Paranormal, Dark, Crime, Mystery, Suspense

Rating: 

Galaxy “Alex” Stern is the most unlikely member of Yale’s freshman class. Raised in the Los Angeles hinterlands by a hippie mom, Alex dropped out of school early and into a world of shady drug dealer boyfriends, dead-end jobs, and much, much worse. By age twenty, in fact, she is the sole survivor of a horrific, unsolved multiple homicide. Some might say she’s thrown her life away. But at her hospital bed, Alex is offered a second chance: to attend one of the world’s most elite universities on a full ride. What’s the catch, and why her?

Still searching for answers to this herself, Alex arrives in New Haven tasked by her mysterious benefactors with monitoring the activities of Yale’s secret societies. These eight windowless “tombs” are well-known to be haunts of the future rich and powerful, from high-ranking politicos to Wall Street and Hollywood’s biggest players. But their occult activities are revealed to be more sinister and more extraordinary than any paranoid imagination might conceive.

I don’t know where to start with this book 🤔

As soon as I finished the Six of Crows duology, I immediately went to Goodreads to see what is coming up from Leigh Bardugo. When saw that The Ninth House was scheduled for late 2019, I almost wet my pants! I love books about college and at that point I was obsessed with Bardugo. So her writing an adult book about secret societies in Yale was just too much for me. Needless to say, that since then (April 2017), The Ninth House was the most anticipated book release for me. I was 100% sure it would be the most amazing, awesome book I had ever read (not having high expectations AT ALL!). 
After the initial lukewarm and straight up bad reviews, I was a bit disappointed but my interest and excitement never wavered. I just had to get my hands on this book! 

Long story short, the book was great but not what I was expecting at all 😕
I wanted intrigue, mystery, secrets and in part I got all that, but I didn’t expect the paranormal element to be so prominent, it threw me off a little bit. I would have much preferred a contemporary novel. But that’s on me, it has nothing to do with the quality of the book itself.

Another thing I didn't expect was how gritty and, for lack of a better word, miserable this book is. There is no respite from the constant reminder that people are horrible, bad guys always win and life is pointless.
In other words: it was such a downer. And I like downer books, but that was overkill. The hardest thing for me and the reason I didn’t quite get into it as much as I would have liked, was the fact that I didn’t really care for anyone. Alex was the ultimate anti-heroine and a very difficult person to like. The rest of the characters were all pretty terrible except for:

1.Alex’s friends, whose bubbliness was completely out of place and made them stand out like unicorns in a tar pit
2. and Darlington, who was the best part of the book for me, regretfully cut very short. Hopefully, he gets a much bigger presence in book 2 but I have to be honest: it took a lot out of me to read book 1 (three weeks to be exact) a lot of perseverance and patience, so forgive me if I can’t even think about book 2 right now.

All that aside, there were times where Bardugo’s brilliant writing and vision shone very brightly. Like for instance when

Alex goes to the Underworld to strike a deal with North, I thought it was such an awesome scene. I really liked North and Alex together.

 
Or when 

the night at Ground Zero was described -like watching Kill Bill-that good. Or gross and disgusting, depending on your view.

Speaking of disgusting, that whole thing with Blake: Nah, it didn’t bother me at all. He deserved way worse.

To conclude this pretty lengthy and all over the place review, I get why people didn’t like the Ninth House. Most of Bardugo’s readers are YA readers and even though it was mentioned sooooo many times that this is an adult book, Bardugo’s fans would still read it and of course get disappointed because this is DEFINITELY NOT a YA book. 
Personally, I would have liked it to have been more fast-paced and a lot less bleak. If I don’t have someone to root for or care for what happens to them, I kinda lose interest. Hero/villain it doesn't matter, as long as they are gripping enough to get me invested. So, please bring Darlington back OK? 

READING: Bad Romance by Heather Demetrios

Publication date: June 13 2017

Published by: Henry Holt & Co

Genre: Adult, Contemporary, Dark, Self-Harm, Abuse, Mystery, Sexual Assault 

Rating:

Grace wants out. Out of her house, where her stepfather wields fear like a weapon and her mother makes her scrub imaginary dirt off the floors. Out of her California town, too small to contain her big city dreams. Out of her life, and into the role of Parisian artist, New York director—anything but scared and alone.

Enter Gavin: charming, talented, adored. Controlling. Dangerous. When Grace and Gavin fall in love, Grace is sure it's too good to be true. She has no idea their relationship will become a prison she's unable to escape. 

Deeply affecting and unflinchingly honest, this is a story about spiraling into darkness—and emerging into the light again.

Bad Romance was a very hard book to read. I constantly felt threatened and afraid while at the same time, I couldn't put it down.
That's the power of a great writer and of ,what has got be, one of the best books I read this year.

You probably already know, but Bad Romance contains many, many triggers about emotional, physical and sexual abuse. If you have been abused or know someone that has, this might be a bit difficult for you to go through and I completely get if someone chooses not to read it.
It wasn't easy.

Grace leaves in an abusive home. Her mum is married to a horrible man who physically abuses and belittles her and consequently she takes it out on Grace. Grace is made to do all housework to perfection and if not, she is given the most severe and absurd punishments. No wonder that after falling head over heels with Gavin, a teenage rock god and senior at her school, she doesn't see the level of his abuse straight away, putting it down to him being protective and caring about her.

When I was in my 20s, I heard my mom telling stories about friends of hers being talked down to and beaten by their partners and were in general extremely unhappy in their marriages. As far as I know these women are still married to the same men to this day. I remember thinking: "What, are they fucking stupid? Why don't they leave?" I'll admit, I was very judgmental and quite ignorant back then, mostly because I grew up in a safe and loving family and I just couldn't understand why these women didn't just leave. Simple. Just open the door and never look back.
As I got older, I had a rude awakening and my bubble was not only burst, but shattered into million pieces. I found out firsthand how abuse can be so subtle and fine that it is almost undetectable (definitely by the people involved) and how you can stay in an abusive relationship without even realising that it is harmful. As for leaving? Ha. Not even on the table.

That is what happened to Grace. She knew after a while (you cannot not know, it's impossible) that she was unhappy and she could not live that way anymore but she just couldn't leave. Reasons varied from lack of self respect ("I'm never gonna find anyone like him to like me back"), complete denial ("But he loves me and I love him") to emotional manipulation ("If you leave me, I will kill myself"). Whatever the reason, the answer to her friends demanding that she break up with him was always "I can't". 

The level of abuse Grace had to suffer was beyond anything I could imagine. It was A LOT, but I liked the fact that she remained real throughout. She didn't turn from victim to super hero in one day, or had a completely unwarranted and out of character reaction, which if I'm being honest, at that point, I could believe even that. To see that kind of trauma painfully unravel in front of me little by little, I didn't even know what reaction would be "suitable".
I also really loved the ending, and I think it is a clear message to all women out there.

Grace went to Gavin and told him for a second time that she is breaking up with him, for real this time. There was no begging from his part, no tearing of clothes, no tears, certainly no killing himself. And then Grace opened the door and just left.

That goes to show that a lot of times we embellish things and situations in our heads so much that it's almost paralysing, when it's very very simple. And when we do take that leap, we see how much time we wasted being inactive and unhappy.
OBVIOUSLY not all situations are the same! and if you find it impossible to walk out and say enough is enough, I get it. It is extremely hard, nobody saying it's not. That is why you need a good support system or if you don't have that, please find someone with the knowledge and expertise to help you. Reach out, because it's definitely not something you can do on your own.

As much as I hated Grace's parents (no excuses for her mum, she was horrible, awful and she should be institutionalised, if not imprisoned), I think Gavin's parents were worse. They were not doing him any favours by piling on his deluded dream of getting married to Grace and getting an apartment and all that crap. I mean they were barely 19 years old and Gavin was mentally unstable, he was on medication. They should have paid closer attention to him and not emotionally manipulate Grace into staying with him. Maybe I'm being harsh, I don't know. I understand that they loved him, but you can't be blind to anything else that is going on.

Bad Romance was exquisite, but I'm not gonna lie, I struggled with it. On an emotional level, it took me back to a state of mind where I swore I'd never be again, and I found I needed a long break from reading after I finished it.
That said, it was amazingly written and I don't regret picking it up for a second. 
It made my heart bleed, but I loved it.

A dear friend of mine was hospitalised earlier this year because of something her husband did to her, I don't want to go into details. She could have died, that's how bad she was. After months in the hospital and clinics and therapy, she went to live with her mom. In one of our calls, she admitted to me that she misses her husband because, and I quote: "He is the only one who gets me". I think that says a lot about an abused woman's mindset.

READING: The Anatomy of a Scandal by Sarah Vaughan

Publication date: January 23 2018
Published by: Atria Books
Genre: Adult, Contemporary, Thriller, Mystery, Suspense
Rating: 

Sophie's husband James is a loving father, a handsome man, a charismatic and successful public figure. And yet he stands accused of a terrible crime. Sophie is convinced he is innocent and desperate to protect her precious family from the lies that threaten to rip them apart. Kate is the lawyer hired to prosecute the case: an experienced professional who knows that the law is all about winning the argument. And yet Kate seeks the truth at all times. She is certain James is guilty and is determined he will pay for his crimes. Who is right about James? Sophie or Kate? And is either of them informed by anything more than instinct and personal experience?

Despite her privileged upbringing, Sophie is well aware that her beautiful life is not inviolable. She has known it since she and James were first lovers, at Oxford, and she witnessed how easily pleasure could tip into tragedy. Most people would prefer not to try to understand what passes between a man and a woman when they are alone: alone in bed, alone in an embrace, alone in an elevator... Or alone in the moonlit courtyard of an Oxford college, where a girl once stood before a boy, heart pounding with excitement, then fear. Sophie never understood why her tutorial partner Holly left Oxford so abruptly. What would she think, if she knew the truth? 


Everyone refers to Anatomy of a Scandal as a courtroom drama, and yes, there is a court case depicted in it, but that only takes up about 1/3 of the book.
For me, this book is, or at least should be, about Holly and Kate and how, to this day, people find it impossibly hard to grasp the concept of consent.

Holly's whole life changed when, after being accepted to Oxford University entirely by merit, she gets raped by a member of the Libertines, an exclusive boys' club full of entitled, privileged assholes, who vandalise and destroy just for the fun of it, never taking responsibility for anything and never getting punished for anything. In the contrary, they go on to become very successful men, occupying prominent positions in government or other prestigious businesses.
In present day, one of these upstanding citizens named James has become the right hand man of England's PM (another Libertines member) is married to Sophie, and has two kids. He also gets accused of rape by his mistress of approximately 6 months. Kate is assigned to the case as the prosecution lawyer and we get to read the events as they unfold from all 4 POVs. There is one more POV if I remember correctly, but the mail characters are those four.

Beginning of rant
**First off, I was so thankful to Sarah Vaughan for limiting James's chapters to only three. I didn't want to be in his head, I didn't want to know how he was thinking because there could not possibly be any excuse for what he did, so I really did not want to hear his opinion about anything. Three chapters were enough, and that last discussion with his wife made me want to put my fist through something.
But don't be fooled. James is not an isolated case, a one off. James is the voice of, if not all, definitely the majority, of white privileged men. He is the man who leers at women but gets away with it because he's attractive. He is the man who chooses not to hear women saying no because he is powerful. He is the man who lies and manipulates incessantly without guilt to get what he wants because he is entitled. And he is the man that always gets away with all that because he is a man, and he is attractive, and he is powerful, and he is entitled.
And that's just fucking terrifying. 

Unfortunately, this book doesn't provide any hope that any of that is going to change anytime soon. Right from the start, Kate tells us that proving rape occurred within a relationship, is very difficult if not impossible.
Um...why?
Why do people just assume that rape only occurs between two complete strangers, usually one waiting in an alley in the dark with a knife ready to jump unsuspected victims? How can people be so blind? Especially women, who, to my great astonishment, are more hesitant to convict men of rape in a relationship than men are 😲
I am not suggesting to disregard the facts, no. But not be too quick to categorise the incident as "a bad sexual experience", or "she is just being petty" because more often than not, it is not that simple. I personally know a lot of women who were in a relationship and agreed to sex they didn't want because it was either convenient, or they didn't want to cause a fuss, or, and this is my personal favourite, it was their "duty". That is the sad truth ladies, and if we don't start changing our mindsets and our archaic preconceptions firmly planted by the patriarchy, no real change will ever take place. God knows men won’t ever change, so we are going to have to.**
End of rant

Sophie was a woman I tried feeling sorry for, but I found I couldn’t. She was not very relatable, to me at least, and her snobbish, entitled younger self put me off. She chose to marry a man who she knew cheated on her on many occasions. Granted, that is not a reason to divorce someone if that's what you want to do, to each their own. Neither do I think she would ever think James capable of something so hideous and keep quite or easily forgive. However, I do believe that her actions in the end were not so much to deservedly punish James for the crimes he has done all these years, but rather driven by personal revenge, to get back at him, to show him that he could not humiliate her like that and get away with it. 

Kate’s story while compelling, there wasn’t much of it. For the second half of the book Sophie’s was the prominent POV when it should have been Kate’s imo. The one thing I was looking forward to during the court case was Kate’s cross examination of James. Unfortunately, it fell flat and was underwhelming at best.
The ending wasn’t satisfying, but that was to be expected. There is a tiny hint of hope, that bad people always get theirs in the end one way or another, but I am too much of a realist to buy into it.

Overall, Anatomy of a Scandal is a book that started out really strong, with Vaughan doing an amazing job setting the mood and developing characters, but I would have like it to remain strong and riveting throughout, instead of going weak towards the end.

READING: Another Man's Treasure by Lisa Henry and J.A.Rock

Publication date: May 30 2014
Published by: Crocobear Press
Genre: MM, Adult, Contemporary, Dark, Suspense, Violence 
Rating: 

Ilia Porter is Chechen mob boss Mikhail Kadyrov’s greatest treasure. After leaving home at eighteen to escape his verbally abusive father, beautiful, selfish Ilia has lived with Mikhail, proud of his ability to bring such a powerful man to his knees to worship. But when Ilia’s father, a police captain, kills Mikhail in a raid, Ilia’s world falls apart.

Entering to pick up the pieces is Mikhail’s younger brother, Nick—impulsive, power-hungry, and dangerous. When Nick tells Ilia he’s taking everything that belonged to Mikhail—including Ilia—Ilia is too lost in grief to fight. Nick takes Ilia prisoner in the apartment Ilia once shared with Mikhail and grooms him for a very important mission: to kill Ilia’s father and avenge Mikhail’s death.

Ilia wants no part in the plot, but being Nick’s ally is preferable to being Nick’s victim, so he begins to warp himself into the monster Nick wants him to be. Hope arrives when Nick takes another captive: Patrick, a shy massage therapist who’s stronger than he seems. Patrick and Ilia must join forces to escape Nick—and to keep each other whole as Nick does everything in his power to break them.

This review is very small but I wanted to add it in here so this amazing, wonderful book could get as much exposure as possible. 

Oh my God.
This book.
Oh my God.

Another Man's Treasure is an exquisitely written book, from beginning to end.
It is dark. Possibly the darkest book I have ever read.
It is not a romance book, in any way, shape or form. There is no HEA. I would not recommend it to just anyone. I was desperately trying to find something good and positive to hold on to in the midst of all this blackness, but it just got darker and darker. And yet, I couldn't stop reading. Like a car-crush; I just couldn't look away.

What makes it a great read? The writing and the characters. Lisa Henry reaffirms herself as my favourite MM author and together with Rock they are unbeatable (see When All the World Sleeps). They have this phenomenal ability to make the reader captivated by the most gut wrenching, sorrow-filled but utterly un-relatable stories by creating such full and compelling characters. Even the monsters they create are fascinating.

Another Man's Treasure is a work of art. An evil, twisted work of art. Just like Ilia's piercing.
I felt completely devastated after reading it. My stomach was clenched the entire time, I was on edge and quite honestly, scared. 
And I loved every second of it.

READING: The Island by Lisa Henry

Publication date: February 26 2016
Published by: --
Genre: MM, Adult, Romance, Contemporary, Suspense, Dark, Violence
Rating: 

Shaw is in Fiji to sell a stolen painting to the crime boss, Vornis. It will be the deal of a lifetime, if Shaw can pull it off. But then Vornis parades his latest toy around in front of him—a captured DEA agent whose time is running out. It’s none of Shaw’s business, and it doesn’t matter that under any other circumstances Lee would be exactly Shaw’s type: he’s young, he’s hot, and he might even have a personality if they hadn’t beaten it out of him. Too bad there’s no way Lee is getting off the island. Too bad there’s nothing Shaw can do for him. And too bad there are some lines that even Shaw won’t cross. 

Keeping his hands off Lee proves harder than he thinks, but Shaw’s not stupid enough to fall for the tortured captive of a dangerous crime boss, is he? If he did, it wouldn’t be just his job he would be risking—it would be his life.

The Island came very, very highly recommended. As in "I've read it 3 times and I absolutely love it" and "I stayed up all night reading it, it blew my mind".
And I agree, the book is fantastic. However, it did not quite reach the perfection levels I was expecting, and that's OK. 

My main concern was that I was not utterly convinced by Shaw's sudden urge to save Lee and to hell with everything else, when he himself confessed to being witness to other gruesome crimes and not even blinking an eye. Why did he choose to save this particular person and what made him draw the line now, after 6 years of witnessing horrible things? Was it that this one was particularly terrible? I don't think so, I bet he had seen way worse. Was it that he fell in love with him? Nah, can't be that simplistic, I don't buy it. Probably it was there right in front of me (it was abundantly clear to my friends) but I just did not see it. 

I loved the fact that Henry chose Fiji as the main location and the expert way she wrapped all that darkeness and ugliness around something so stunning. I also really liked Lee's chapters and how his character was developed both on the island and back at home. I wanted to see him more as an individual than together with Shaw, away from any sexual tension, which to be honest, made me cringe at times (except for the ending). It just felt wrong and off to me in the island, but I completely understand its purpose.

The Island is not a romance book for me. Yes, it has its HEA, but that doesn't mean anything. At the end of the day, it's about two very damaged people coming together under the worst circumstances, hoping against hope that something good could come from all this suffering and agony. It's an optimistic romance, a potential romance at best.